Dio Hologram Forms Three Other Side Projects August 6, 2020 LOS ANGELES — The holographic image of late heavy metal icon Ronnie James Dio has broken away from its original… Read More →
Church Used in Metal Music Video Probably Should Have Asked More Questions Before Agreeing July 26, 2020 ADDISON, Texas — Addison Fellowship Community Church parishioners are lamenting allowing local metal band Cryptic Martyr to use their sanctuary… Read More →
Gamer Dad Proudly Shows Off Son’s PlayStation Trophies July 24, 2020 AVON, Conn. — Local gamer and father Byron Phelps proudly flaunted his son Bradley’s video game talents in front of… Read More →
First Release by Newly Formed Metal Band Is Statement Apologizing for Racist Remarks July 24, 2020 CLEVELAND — Recently formed metal band Blood & Soil has forgone music as its first public release, instead issuing formal… Read More →
Man Expected to Remember What Happened in Comic Book He Read a Month Ago July 23, 2020 RIDGEWOOD, N.J. — Local comic book enthusiast Casey Little was frustrated and slightly offended that the writers of his favorite… Read More →
If White Men Control Everything, How Come I Never Got a Quinceañera? July 21, 2020 So I keep hearing from the left that, apparently, white males control every aspect of culture, economy, and politics. I… Read More →
I’m No Good at Adulting, LOL. They Just Took My Kids Away! July 6, 2020 Is it Wine O’Clock yet, amirite?! Haha. Mostly because the Department of Family Services just came and took my kids… Read More →
Husband Critiques Accuracy of Wife’s Sexy Slave Leia Outfit to Orgasm July 2, 2020 DECATUR, Ga. — Local husband and self-described Star Wars aficionado Benny Butler critiqued a ‘sexy Slave Leia’ costume his wife,… Read More →
Man Trying to Binge All Star Trek Controversies June 29, 2020 CARMEL, Ind. — Using the ample time that has been provided to him due to quarantine and work-from-home, local resident… Read More →
Man Not Sure When to Casually Bring Up Sepultura to Tow Truck Guy June 29, 2020 PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow… Read More →