Opinion: I Think I’m Just Gonna Call It a Night December 31, 2020 We have had fun tonight with our festivities and frivolities and, while your proposition to keep this night going is… Read More →
Police Search for Body of Dad Who Put Socks in Empty PS5 Box as Gag Christmas Present December 23, 2020 WHEATON, Ill. — Local and state authorities are in a desperate search for a local father who jokingly put socks… Read More →
Hard Times 2020 Top 10 Metal Bands We’ve Been Meaning to Look Into December 20, 2020 Everyone says how long 2020 has felt, but it seems to have gone by in a flash when it comes… Read More →
“A Christmas Carol” Gives Kids Unrealistic Expectations That Rich Assholes Will Change Their Ways December 20, 2020 There are approximately 135 screen versions of Charles Dickens’ apocryphal tale of ego reversal "A Christmas Carol" from Scrooge McDuck,… Read More →
Opinion: Man, We Haven’t Talked in Forever, Also Wouldn’t It Be Great To Be Your Own Boss?! December 15, 2020 Hey bro, what’s goin’ on? I can’t believe we graduated high school fifteen years ago, seems like yesterday we were… Read More →
Local Woman Moves ‘Trump Supporter’ Ahead of ‘Christian’ and ‘Mother’ in Twitter Bio December 2, 2020 HINSDALE, Ill. — Twitter user Shannon Nichols updated her profile bio today, moving “Trump Supporter” ahead of her other chosen… Read More →
Galactic Empire Sells Outdated AT-ATs and Speederbikes to Local Police Departments November 28, 2020 CORUSCANT — The reigning Galactic Empire is selling old laser cannons, starfighters, and other weapons and vehicles to small-town police… Read More →
Virtual Intern Not Sure What to Do With Latte He Just Pissed In November 18, 2020 JERICHO, N.Y. — Recent college graduate and virtual intern at JPMorgan Chase Danny Galiardi has no idea what to do… Read More →
Punk Has to Set Politics Aside While Shopping at Army Surplus Store November 17, 2020 ASHEBORO, N.C. — Local punk Dean Brown set his morals and political ideologies aside again yesterday in order to shop… Read More →
Aging Rocker Now Only Destroys Hotel Bathroom November 14, 2020 DETROIT — Aging rocker Perry Dunn, frontman for the seminal hair metal band Töpsy Türvy, left his rented room at… Read More →