Neoliberal Punks Suggest Meeting Nazi Punks Half Way
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The music scene was left reeling yesterday after a contingency of neoliberal punks suggested meeting Nazi punks…
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Ben Friedman — Page 30
347 stories found
Demon Begs Priest to Exorcise Him From Crust Punk’s Body
WASHINGTON — Abaddon the Destroyer, an immortal demon from the deepest depths of hell, begged an exorcist to free him…
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Hawkins Teen Opts to Die in the Upside Down Rather than Admit Favorite Song is Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight”
HAWKINS, Ind. — Local high school senior Jenny Dowd, currently trapped in the parallel universe of the Upside Down, opted…
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Punk Celebrates Six Year LinkedIn Anniversary at “Unemployed”
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Marcus “Moose” Crawford took time to celebrate on LinkedIn his six-year anniversary at “Unemployed,” acquaintances within…
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Punk House Tightens Belt, Switches to Kirkland Signature Whippets
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature…
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Uh Oh! Conor Oberst and Phoebe Bridgers Dig Your Vibe and Want To Buy You a Drink
So you’re blowing off steam after work at an LA Dive bar when you notice, more than a few times,…
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Man Reads Entire Cheesecake Factory Menu Before Ordering Chicken Fingers Again
EDINA, Minn. — 37-year-old man Steve Bellows opted for chicken fingers for his seventh consecutive dinner outing despite having poured…
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Where Are They Now? The Municipal Waste Songs I Had Lined up on the Jukebox
As I sit here in this soulless downtown bar, I feel like something is missing. Maybe it’s the dim Edison…
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Budget Cuts Reduce American History Curriculum to VHS Copy of “Young Guns II”
HOUSTON — Several severe budget cuts to Texas public schools caused one high school’s ‘American History’ curriculum to be reduced…
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Sticking It to the Man: This Guy Poops on the Clock 40 Hours a Week
A great 20th-century philosopher/astronomer once said, “work sucks, I know.” Long hours, stagnant wages, and poor management have left a…
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