TikTok Corn Kid Accepts Lobbying Position at Cargill
WASHINGTON — Viral TikTok sensation “Tariq the Corn Kid” shocked fans and political insiders alike after accepting a lucrative lobbying…
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Ben Friedman — Page 30
353 stories found
Just Because I’m a Miserable Control Freak Doesn’t Mean I Head up the HOA, but Yeah Your Mailbox Is in Violation of Rule #46
Hey neighbor! Hope you don’t mind me popping by so late. Yes I’m aware it is two in the morning,…
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Conservatives Demand Representation With Openly Racist Marvel Hero
FORT MEYERS, Fla. — Conservative advocacy group Bring Back America’s Heroes petitioned Marvel to update their roster of heroes with…
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Hundreds of Nuclear Weapons Documents Found at Mar-a-Lago with Hillary Clinton’s Name Hastily Scribbled on Them
PALM BEACH, Fla. –The Federal Bureau of Investigation recovered stacks of highly-classified nuclear weapons documents with “Hillary Clinton” written in…
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If You Want To Destroy My Sweater, You’ll Have To Face Me in Hand to Hand Combat
Hey man, long time no see! I didn’t know you were invited to the after-party. Small world, huh? Did you…
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Opinion: I Know Exactly What This Quaint Little Farmers Market Needs. A Fucking DJ
As I stroll through this quaint suburban farmers market, I have this nagging feeling that something is missing. Sure there…
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Neoliberal Punks Suggest Meeting Nazi Punks Half Way
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The music scene was left reeling yesterday after a contingency of neoliberal punks suggested meeting Nazi punks…
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Demon Begs Priest to Exorcise Him From Crust Punk’s Body
WASHINGTON — Abaddon the Destroyer, an immortal demon from the deepest depths of hell, begged an exorcist to free him…
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Hawkins Teen Opts to Die in the Upside Down Rather than Admit Favorite Song is Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight”
HAWKINS, Ind. — Local high school senior Jenny Dowd, currently trapped in the parallel universe of the Upside Down, opted…
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Punk Celebrates Six Year LinkedIn Anniversary at “Unemployed”
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Marcus “Moose” Crawford took time to celebrate on LinkedIn his six-year anniversary at “Unemployed,” acquaintances within…
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