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Seeing My Children’s Reaction to Their Presents on Christmas Morning Makes Me Realize How Much I Prefer My Second Family

The memories of Christmases of my youth never fail to fill my heart. Sure the gifts were great, but the look on my parents’ faces knowing they were delivering holiday magic is what truly made those years special. I carried that spirit with me when I started my family, but seeing these ungrateful little shits scoffing at their presents makes me appreciate the second family I started five years ago much, much more.

Now before you bust my balls about being an unrepentant polygamist, I would remind you that it is Christmas and should focus on the things that really matter like being with family. It just so happens I have two of them, and I’ll have you know it’s a lot of work. If you had the opportunity to begin a tryst with a colleague at a plumbing and HVAC convention in Dallas, I’m sure you’d do the same.

Obviously it was not my intention to lead a double life wrought with lies and deception. But looking at the big picture, doing so really makes me appreciate the people in my life who won’t bust my balls over being on the road all the time. They should be kissing my ass over the fact I chose to spend Christmas with my OG family. Clearly I chose wrong.

It’s one thing to feign gratitude for receiving a gift you’re not super excited about. But being openly disgusted about a pair of socks is completely out of line. Lots of kids would be doing cartwheels for receiving the basic necessities, so if you can’t appreciate the small stuff then you don’t deserve the nicer presents. All the more reason I gave his secret half brothers the PS5.

My other kids never whine about how I’m never around or call me an absentee father. They’re only getting a five minute Facetime from me today while I sneak into the garage while pretending to look for extension cords and I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear from me. But in this house I’m worse than Hitler because I bought my daughter the “wrong” iPad as if they’re not all the same thing. What the fuck is an M1 chip?

These kids have no idea what goes into working day and night to support two mortgages and four rec basketball league fees. The least they could do is pitch in and get me a gift card to Applebees, but I don’t even get as much as a “thank you Santa”. If they only knew I could be on a flight right now to San Antonio to be with people who actually show appreciation, They’re lucky that celebrating two Christmases a year is less expensive than divorce.