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Lucky Bastard: Quincy Jones Dies Before Having to Deal With Election Day

Legendary musician, producer, and seemingly the luckiest son of a bitch around, Quincy Jones died at his home in Bel Air Sunday night just a few hours before America turns into a complete and utter shitstorm on election day.

Jones’ contributions to music are vast, having worked with Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and producing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Which became the best-selling album of all time. Additionally, his well-timed death at 91 years old means he will not have to watch heavily armed militia groups stalk the streets of battleground states screaming about voter fraud. While highly paid lawyers do their best to look for loopholes in a 250-year-old document that will return a tyrant to power.

His impressive career spanned nearly 70 years. He oversaw the recording of “We Are the World” in 1985 and organized President Clinton’s first inaugural celebration. He is remembered by his wife, his children, and all of us who are forced to suffer through a hotly contested election season with disinformation spewing from every corner of the internet and on cable television channels 24 hours a day. Playing some of his records on full blast might be the only way to keep yourself from gouging out your eyeballs or shoving an ice pick into your ears in order to escape the non-stop chatter of pundits.

The list of honors Jones earned over the years include 28 Grammy Awards, two honorary Academy Awards and an Emmy for “Roots.” Meanwhile, we are left stockpiling shelf-stable goods and hunkering down as the next Civil War approaches. Americans from all sides of the political spectrum are expected to nervously watch election results all the while Jones gets to remain dead, without a fucking care in the goddamn world.

As an activist Jones championed the fight against HIV and AIDS, strived to educate children, and help the poor around the world. Meanwhile, we are all welcoming the sweet relief of death with less than 24 hours until November 5th. If we weren’t such cowards we would join Jones. We have the means, we have the motivation, we just don’t have the guts to follow through with it.