AUSTIN, Texas — Local hardcore band Cheapshot’s vocalists Victoria Weiss and Anthony Byers simultaneously launched into separate, heartfelt speeches between…
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Patrick Crooks
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May 9, 2019
HYATTSVILLE, Md. — Following a request from her son for the purchase of Tom Clancy’s The Division 2, local mom…
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BERKELEY, Calif. — Total dumbshit motherfucker Bobby Owens attempted to start a circle pit last night during local hardcore band…
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Lauren Lavín
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May 9, 2019
RENO, Nev. — A well-worn Squier Stratocaster recently listed for sale on Craigslist is hoping its next owner will be…
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Patrick Coyne
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May 9, 2019
What can we do to be truly, wholy “happy?” In my long, arduous 22-year existence, I have found that these…
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SAN FRANCISCO — After several minutes of quiet deliberation, local single man Vann Beckers, 29, has settled on wearing a…
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Matt Wassung
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May 9, 2019
SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “punk lawyer” Kelvin Rios lost his 100th consecutive case today, due to the fact he admittedly…
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PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Cool Beanz Cafe has introduced a nightly open mic to discourage customers from remaining in the shop…
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NEW YORK — Indimus rockimus bards Titus Andronicus doth declarimus the approaching releasimus of an albumimus christened An Obelisk, according…
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Kevin Flynn
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May 8, 2019
STATION SQUARE — In a somber twist to an otherwise routine checkup, a doctor on call at Station Square Medical…
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