LAKEVILLE, Minn. — Easton Clemens, 17, added his considerable video gaming expertise to his resume in hopes of gaining an edge in the fast-paced food…
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Katelyn Paskin suffered a minor concussion earlier today after losing consciousness in a severe asthma attack, despite a tattoo on her wrist…
So this is this water park you all wouldn’t shut up about, huh? This is not as amazing as you kids made it out to…
CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. — The once-spontaneous ass play of local couple Tyler and Kelly Anderson has simply become routine ass work, the couple confirmed earlier…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Milo Aukerman, licensed biochemist and lead singer of seminal punk band the Descendents, announced that he will return to college to…
It seems like you can’t turn on a TV or scroll your Facebook feed these days without hearing about transparency. “Transparency is what our country…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Lakewood Insurance employee Derrick Glover reportedly called his boss this morning to ask (since he can really do everything he does in…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Two roommates teamed up late last week to give their apartment a long-overdue cleaning, a source reports, with you covering “pretty much…
PHOENIX – Critics called into question the work ethic and energy conservation skills of hardcore band Alien 5 earlier this week following charges of flagrant…
TORONTO – Post-punk outfit Fly Mordecai was ecstatic to learn that, after crunching the numbers from their recent tour, the entire outing cost them a…
PHOENIX– Mechanic, and father of two, Bruce Harvey was offered an exclusive record deal after he was seen performing a drum solo on the steering wheel…
SHIPPENSBURG, Pa. – Black clouds obscured an ice white moon amidst terrible rumblings echoing from the depths of the underworld today as Mitch Hubbins, a.k.a.…
SPOKANE, WA – For many, working a 9-5 office job is the epitome of “selling out” and moving on to adulthood. However, local punk Maria…
TORONTO – After months of constant pressure to “come out to a show,” the staff of Rhombus Marketing realized their deepest social nightmare in discovering co-worker…
MILWAUKEE – Local convenience store clerk Mark Winston is afraid to request time off from the dead-end job he despises, despite his band’s seven-day midwestern…
