NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…
Walk down the corridors of an oncology wing anywhere in the country and you’ll learn just how “fair” life is. A chorus of “Why her?”…
ATLANTA — Georgia’s governor has signed a bill prohibiting the act of offering water to thirsty audience members queuing in long merch lines, bewildered legal…
BALTIMORE – Party guests reacted with visceral horror upon realizing their host intentionally purchased and offered them nearly 16 dozen cans of god awful flavored…
BLACK ROCK DESERT, Nev. – Burning Man festival attendee Joshua Lewis recently died onsite due to his utter paranoia that he’d become dehydrated, sources taking…
LOS ANGELES — Internet commenters who enjoy wasting their valuable time leaving snide remarks on social media posts by canned beverage purveyors Liquid Death were…
LOS ANGELES — Canned water brand Liquid Death and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker are collaborating on a new collectible enema kit that has proctologists around…
It’s the middle of the night. I take my one water glass to the kitchen for a refill, and that’s when I hear it. “Ew,…
WASHINGTON — Your parents, who have spent every waking moment for the past 20 years preparing for the end of humanity, once again asked when…
WHITTIER, Calif. — Three roommates in southern California enacted extreme water rationing measures to avoid being the one having to refill their shared Brita filter,…
DENVER — Local straight edge woman Charlotte Watson made another addition to her expanding collection of Dasani water bottles that line the top of her…
NEW YORK — New York hardcore scene veteran Lance Bianchi continues to assert that the quality of drinking water is one of the key elements…
LOS ANGELES — Police precincts across the country are joining forces to send supplies of water, body armor, and tear gas to help Russian cops…
MAUI, Hawaii — A humpback whale off the coast of Maui found the musical offerings overheard from noise-rock-themed ‘Sonic Cruise’ to be lacking in originality,…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Overly careful punk Jimmy Reynolds patiently waited 30 minutes after eating a full meal before stage diving into an active pit, sources…