Walk down the corridors of an oncology wing anywhere in the country and you’ll learn just how “fair” life is. A chorus of “Why her?”…
ATLANTA — Georgia’s governor has signed a bill prohibiting the act of offering water to thirsty audience members queuing in long merch lines, bewildered legal…
BALTIMORE – Party guests reacted with visceral horror upon realizing their host intentionally purchased and offered them nearly 16 dozen cans of god awful flavored…
BLACK ROCK DESERT, Nev. – Burning Man festival attendee Joshua Lewis recently died onsite due to his utter paranoia that he’d become dehydrated, sources taking…
LOS ANGELES — Internet commenters who enjoy wasting their valuable time leaving snide remarks on social media posts by canned beverage purveyors Liquid Death were…
LOS ANGELES — Canned water brand Liquid Death and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker are collaborating on a new collectible enema kit that has proctologists around…
It’s the middle of the night. I take my one water glass to the kitchen for a refill, and that’s when I hear it. “Ew,…
WASHINGTON — Your parents, who have spent every waking moment for the past 20 years preparing for the end of humanity, once again asked when…
WHITTIER, Calif. — Three roommates in southern California enacted extreme water rationing measures to avoid being the one having to refill their shared Brita filter,…
DENVER — Local straight edge woman Charlotte Watson made another addition to her expanding collection of Dasani water bottles that line the top of her…
NEW YORK — New York hardcore scene veteran Lance Bianchi continues to assert that the quality of drinking water is one of the key elements…
LOS ANGELES — Police precincts across the country are joining forces to send supplies of water, body armor, and tear gas to help Russian cops…
MAUI, Hawaii — A humpback whale off the coast of Maui found the musical offerings overheard from noise-rock-themed ‘Sonic Cruise’ to be lacking in originality,…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Overly careful punk Jimmy Reynolds patiently waited 30 minutes after eating a full meal before stage diving into an active pit, sources…
Bum-bum-diddily bumbumbumbum! Remember that thrilling sound of humming, super-wet reverb from the first time you watched Pulp Fiction because some video-store guy implied you were…