Dom Turek
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YUBA CITY, Calif. — A reported breach in self-quarantine last week has left four dead and another two hospitalized after…
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Louie Aronowitz
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SAN FRANCISCO — Email marketing specialist Seth Samael, widely considered one of the most diabolical internet admins, was seen twirling…
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Mark Bouchard
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CHICAGO — Local punk Allen Prestigiacomo is now unemployed from home, thanks to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker’s decree forcing bars…
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Charles Bill
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DETROIT — The operators of popular pornography site PornGash were confused and panicked last night when an actual local, horny…
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Shea Strauss
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ATLANTA —The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is urging people to give a “free pass” for intercourse between roommates…
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Jon Wood
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SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today he is committing $10 billion of his vast personal fortune to completely…
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WASHINGTON — President Trump held a press conference this morning to drink a full cup of COVID-19, hoping the gesture…
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Bobby Korec
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LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline…
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Alex Salcido
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NEW YORK — The Carfax Car Fox TV mascot shocked the world this past Monday as the latest to be…
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Krissy Howard
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HOUSTON — Confused guy and self-described “gym rat” Hunter Brooks habitually motioned today for a woman at a local Planet…
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