HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — A chain wallet used in a post-show assault in 2011 is allegedly having “the time of its life” awaiting trial as…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump boasted that post-shooting vigil candle sales have been “way up” under his administration, during a press conference held yesterday touting…
BOSTON — Local father and tire store manager Dennis Bowman said the words “Pawn Stars” into his Xfinity smart-TV remote last night, marking the first…
LOS ANGELES — A fully naked Morrissey surprised fans this morning by cancelling an impromptu shower singing session due to inclement water temperature in a…
TORRANCE, Calif. — Longtime punk and father Al Diaz thoroughly interrogated his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend last night about which five Black Flag songs are…
ATLANTA — 17-year-old Fumiko Ishioka startled audience members at a hardcore show last night, standing motionless in the center of the mosh pit while wearing…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — A Tinder date at O’Donnelley’s Pub Tuesday evening was reportedly almost too short for a local man to describe every variety of…
BHIMBETKA, Bhopal — The discovery earlier this week of primitive drawings left on walls by Neanderthals confirmed one of science’s longest held, unproven beliefs: that…
SAN DIEGO — Local alcoholic Jerry Tatum announced plans to somehow ruin his niece’s wedding later tonight with his drunk and disorderly antics, despite the…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local music critic and Spotify free user Jill Nesbitt named “Get in the Zone – Autozone” as the best song of 2018…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Bay Area punk band The Guts have released their most influential material since their inception 10 years ago: an online review of…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Tortured Metaphor merch guy and badass road-warrior Todd Sanderson was quite clear last night that he has no authority whatsoever to…
VISTA, Calif. — The discovery of a 19th use for Dr. Bronner’s All-One hemp castile soap has members of the company going absolutely mad with…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local uninsured and ailing man Jordan Cohen announced today that he will “just give it a few more days” before seeking any…
BRIDGEWATER, Mass. — Your coolest cousin and basically “big brother” from ages 4-13, Donnie McGee, was finally released from prison earlier today, not-so-excited sources confirmed.…