PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Local vegan Jay Ortega openly wondered yesterday what the fuck he ever did to everybody after being ridiculed by an employee at…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The deeply personal and profound meaning behind local man Trent Williams’ “actually not stupid or impulsive” tattoo has once again changed,…
BALTIMORE — A new study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed that the mysterious glow many women experience during their early months of…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local car enthusiast Daniel Wagner learned yesterday that his customized 1998 Honda Civic is not yet “classic” enough to earn him respect…
POMONA, Calif. — Trick-or-treaters visiting the haunted junkyard behind Old Man Clemens’ house were rewarded with rusted harmonicas handed out by rascal king Tom Waits,…
BELLE ISLE, Fla. — Local goth Jess “Alexandria Ravenwood” Reynolds is heartbroken that her recently deceased aunt did not include a “one night in a…
SYDNEY, Australia — Developers behind the popular mid-2000s peer-to-peer sharing platform Kazaa announced today that files labeled “Tom_Green_Sausage_Song_AudioREAL_FUNNY” will headline the inaugural Kazaalapalooza later this…
AKRON, Ohio — Local fourth-grader Vincent “Vinny” Ortiz-Galt felt “I don’t know, just bad, I guess” about wearing a homemade bulletproof vest to school that…
AUSTIN, Texas — Pop-punk quartet Shapes and Sizes is enjoying their most fiscally stable tour yet, splitting expenses amongst the members’ parents evenly in an…
NEW YORK — The Hard Times ran out of small print and medium-sized print copies of their new book, “The Hard Times: The First 40…
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sean Schricker was spotted around lunchtime yesterday carrying a bag of food from upscale gas station and quick-service restaurant Sheetz, even…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — An independent adult film company has achieved a new level of realism in lesbian pornography with their latest feature-length video of…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local mother Kerry Mendez happily spent an hour of her Sunday afternoon last week resewing a “Fuck Authority” patch to her daughter’s…
DENVER — Lead singers of two pop-punk bands issued a split release today, a collaborative letter apologizing for their mutual disgusting and predatory actions towards…
NEW YORK — Mariner Books, the publisher of “The Hard Times: The First 40 Years,” announced Friday their intention to release an audiobook version to…