NEWARK, N.J. — Senator Cory Booker announced he will be suspending his bid for the 2020 presidency which unleashed an avalanche of calls from former…
BOSTON — Researchers at Berklee College of Music confirmed today that the opening riff of local punk band Milkmouth’s song “Squirrel Scream” should really have…
IRVING, Texas — Senior ExxonMobil executive Robert Stone announced today that his company will donate millions of dollars toward rebuilding gas stations across southeast Australia…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Recording artist Mitski announced today that her merchandise will now be available for sale at mental health clinics across the country, klonopin…
HAMILTON, Ontario — Neil Peart’s elaborate drum kit is set to be divided up and donated to schools across Canada in order to provide every…
TACOMA, Wash. — Members of indie trio Shades of Hemingway surprised “superfan” and sole Patreon subscriber Artie Ravil yesterday by finally delivering the customized song…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Recently stabbed, profusely bleeding, and chronically uninsured drummer Tommy Rivera is insisting his band add at least one Canadian date to their…
ROME, N.Y. — Local folk-punk band and inconsiderate neighbors Brewdog asked the old man who lives downstairs and banging on the ceiling with a broom…
NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny, artsy kids that for some…
DETROIT — Local bar/glam rock band Stiletto Devils, who cite fellow Detroiters Kiss as their sole influence, “suck ass” at playing music just as much…
NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his mail for him, “especially credit…
JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular vegetarian burger contained trace amounts…
MAMANUCA ISLANDS, Fiji. — Crew members currently filming the latest season of “Survivor” were shocked to discover that a scab covered, emaciated, crust punk they…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Traveling gutter punk-turned inspirational teacher Marcus “Guru Hoagie” Sanders is directing followers worldwide to treat their bodies as if they were a…
Over the past few years we’ve called out, canceled, impeached, and even jailed some of America’s most toxic and evil people but we still have…