DETROIT — Supposed diehard Slayer fan James Denninger was released from prison this weekend much earlier than expected due to good behavior, confirmed shocked and…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local punk and Carhartt jacket-wearing dilettante Anthony Lynch avoided eye contact with fellow diners at a restaurant last night after a waiter…
POCATELLO, Idaho — Local punk Tyler Christensen was purged from the punk community after it was discovered that he had been approved for a Discover…
BALTIMORE — Local punk and wannabe anarchist Kevin Tomlin was upset to discover being an anarchist would require community involvement and not just make him…
LOS ANGELES — Aging punk Mike Cruz was ordered by the Council of Punk Legitimacy to inform his neighbors that he is a registered poser…
BEND, Ore. — Alleged “biracial poser” and local punk Liz Watson disappointed white stranger Dana Fields yesterday by inadequately naming three origin stories deemed exotic…
BUENA PARK, Calif. — Popular instrument manufacturer Yamaha announced a partnership yesterday with flagship nü-metal band Korn to produce a signature model 89-key piano, excited…
In simpler times, you could easily identify a common interest based on someone’s clothing. Wearing a shirt of a band you like? Instant connection! Nowadays…
DALLAS — Laid off mall security guard and avid Pantera fan Jamie Gunderson has essentially torn his apartment down to the studs with his fists…
PHILADELPHIA — Local Irish-themed punk rock band The Drunken Fighting Lads are being suspiciously protective of the ethnic background results they received in a recent…
FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. National Security Agent Dan Briggs mentally prepared himself for another four minutes of unadulterated sing-alongs today after watching Lynn Lozano…
City punks are way too soft nowadays. I’m sick and tired of hearing all this crap about wage theft and other socialist propaganda. It’s like…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — The remaining members of the outspoken nü-metal band Trapt are seeking an ill-informed bigot with cursory drumming ability to replace their…
RIO RANCHO, N.M. — A single song by prog-rock legends Rush was mistaken for an entire prog-rock album by radio listener Melissa Chavez, according to…
Hey friendo! I know it’s a bit awk between the police and the public rn, but I have an idea. Umm, what if both sides…