BROOKLYN — Local stoner metalhead Graham Wyatt overslept this morning after a night of drinking and weed smoking, which caused him to run a “‘Dopesmoker’…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Smith & Smith Real Estate property photographer Joshua Abernathy regularly receives workplace criticism for his unhelpful photos of rental units, but…
There are approximately 135 screen versions of Charles Dickens’ apocryphal tale of ego reversal “A Christmas Carol” from Scrooge McDuck, to Tim Curry, to George…
SAN DIEGO — An acquaintance from high school was wondering today if you’d be interested in a really cool opportunity to do some of the…
Those of us who straddle the line between punk and poser have a difficult time finding a place within the scene. I’m open-minded enough to…
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase has made them collectively broke…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Charlie Miller made the bold decision today to only listen to canceled bands on Spotify in order to keep from…
SEATTLE — Conveniently opportunistic “cash only” bar Zoo Tavern allegedly also has an abnormally high $7 ATM fee, patrons who immediately left for a more…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local guitarist Max Gordon’s revealed today that her attempt to sell her old guitar amplifier has already brought discomfort, fear, and chaos…
NEW YORK — Spotify CEO Daniel Ek reportedly won .0005% custody of his children in a landmark hearing yesterday, according to leaked court documents and…
PONCA CITY, Okla. — Marcotte’s Market Grocery cashier Russell Lum took out all of his anger and stress on the mundane task of busting open…
SEATTLE — Local guitarist Sadie Love swore today that her new button maker will be well worth the startup cost once she hits her break-even…
LOS ANGELES — CBS executives announced today the return of “2 Broke Girls” as an OnlyFans exclusive, following the success of previous reboots like “Young…
FALLS CHURCH, Va. — 36-year-old Michael Connelly’s sarcastic response moments ago to a demand from his parents effectively eliminated the possibility of receiving any inheritance…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Ollie Harris forced down another five beers and a bunch of chips moments ago in an attempt to finally eat something…