MANCHESTER, N.H. — Amateur musician Erik Mulvaney is so depressed that he frequently sits at his synthesizer and presses keys and buttons without ever powering…
As a prominent member of the Republican party who receives a sizable check from the NRA biweekly just for doing their bidding without question, I’m…
WASHINGTON — The new national suicide hotline, 988, is facing harsh criticism after callers noticed the platform used songs from massively depressing singer/songwriter Elliott Smith…
CVS Worker Receives Blank Stare After Asking Woman How She Is Doing in Semi-Permanent Hair Dye Aisle
CVS Worker Receives Blank Stare After Asking Woman How She Is Doing in Semi-Permanent Hair Dye Aisle
GREEN BROOK, N.J. — CVS employee Martin Jackson received a harrowingly blank stare from a customer after naively asking how she was doing while she…
My whole life, I just kept hearing, “You Geminis… I never know which one of you I’m gonna get! One minute you’re throwing the BBQ…
I am here today to talk about a false equivalency that has finally bothered me to the breaking point. Folks, the weather is not “Bipolar.”…
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. So you’re my ex, huh? You’re the person I’ve been obsessively constructing imagined conversations with where I regularly…
PHILADELPHIA — Local screamo legends, Angel, played an uncharacteristically mellow and peaceful set in their first show since attending EMDR therapy, shocked members of the…
Hey, we heard you’re a real big Joy Division fan. Sure. Uh huh. If you’re such a big fan of the post-punk Manchester goth legends,…
The enormity of Kanye West’s celebrity is colossal. His followers are legion. Sneakerheads worship his designs. His artistry has generated behemoth record sales and he…
That really sucks about Shithouse Seth, man. If I knew he was having a mental breakdown or whatever, I definitely would’ve Tweeted to end the…
Chewing your fingernails is a disgusting habit and there’s no better time to kick your lingering vice than right now. In fact, it’s much easier…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Twice divorced Uncle Mike Dilmer became outraged beyond comprehension due to the mere existence of Tofurky at his extended family’s Thanksgiving celebration,…
Depression is a real buzzkill. Or a buzz inducer if you self-medicate with alcohol like I recently had to stop doing. Constantly bottoming out aside,…
I’ve always found it strange that people need a device to beep them awake. Partially because that sounds like such a harsh way to start…