GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — While the rest of the world is out buying presents for loved ones this holiday season, local man Benjamin Edwards is…
NEW YORK — A much-needed last-minute practice for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra was delayed yet again by fucking Dale Andrews, who was late to rehearsal for the…
DENVER — Local resident Dan Biez confirmed a leaked financial report earlier today, disclosing that the kief catcher on his marijuana grinder, which accumulates small…
v EGAS — The anarchist bowling team known as the Eight Pin Workdays failed yet again to properly organize a single strike during a not-so-friendly…
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Recent iOS convert and devout iPhone user Dale Bowman has begun to pray five times per day toward the Apple, Inc.…
NEW YORK – An ancient genie, sworn to grant three wishes to whomever releases him from his magic lamp, was taken aback by his current…
MOS EISLEY, Tatooine — Brutal, untamed pits are held as a hallmark of any worthwhile scene. But according to one part-time bartender of a local…
TORONTO — The resident sound guy of Queen Street Hall is at the center of a tense hostage situation, according to authorities gathered outside the…
WASHINGTON — The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will recall over 550,000 units of the popular “COEXIST” bumper sticker due to an ineffective and unsustainable…
DETROIT — Local goth teen Shelly Davis announced plans to ruin her family’s Christmas card for the third year in a row, according to a…
THE PAS, Manitoba – The 12 men known to make up a small town hardcore scene located in rural, midwestern Canada also serve as a…
ITHACA, N.Y. — In what roommates have lauded as a truly historic accomplishment in gender relations, not a single resident of the punk house/DIY collective…
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Fans and critics alike say stoner metal band Wand Luthier has redefined the genre with their debut album, The Blazed Among…
PHILADELPHIA — Founding members of Pennsylvania hardcore band The Truth Between announced a reunion earlier today for a short run of weekend dates, playing their…
NEWARK, N.J. — Tensions hit an all-time high for a local friend group last night after they unboxed their pizza, revealing it had been completely…