MAMANUCA ISLANDS, Fiji. — Crew members currently filming the latest season of “Survivor” were shocked to discover that a scab covered, emaciated, crust punk they…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Traveling gutter punk-turned inspirational teacher Marcus “Guru Hoagie” Sanders is directing followers worldwide to treat their bodies as if they were a…
WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Local man Brian Davis was shocked and surprised yet again last night that Backslide, the bar he visited for the sixth…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local 38-year-old scenester James Adkins is bemoaning to anyone who will listen that up-and-coming emo kids are no longer learning firsthand about…
PHILADELPHIA — Your friend Bella Dubois is reportedly now back with her old band The New Babies, leaving you feeling like an idiot for all…
DOVER, N.H. — Your coworker, accounts manager Randy Ferguson, has no idea that he is your mortal enemy in a long-running feud that won’t end…
GENEVA, Ill. — Local man and self-described electronic leash cutter Lucas Roberts is now on a door-to-door journey to tell every American that he quit…
PITTSBURGH — Political punk band Anti-Flag surprised fans with a brand new album titled “In Oil We Trust” inspired by Iran’s bombing of Iraqi military…
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past 17 days is still clean,…
EUGENE, Ore. — Perpetually inconsiderate roommate Michael Chabot was thrilled yesterday to discover a giant pile of garbage in his shared kitchen, knowing he finally…
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Your good friend Tony Suarez will make his radio debut tonight with his punk band The Republicants during your prime sleeping…
BOISE, Idaho — Ambitious music school graduate Fritz Stokowski took to the streets with flyers yesterday, advertising auditions for a new, drama-free symphony orchestra, bemused…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Civil engineer Daniel Barley obtained sole custody of ex-girlfriend Alicia Kressen’s parents yesterday during the dissolution of their relationship, completing a landmark…
NYACK, N.Y. — Local BMX rider Duncan Turley allegedly spent months preserving his cleanest Hatebreed shirt, all to officiate the wedding of Ashley Genoa and…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk and diehard Interrobanged! fan Heather McGowan didn’t clap when the band played her “favorite song of all time,” thanks to…