TAMPA, Fla. — Norwegian black metal band Emyn Arnen were seen wandering into a JCPenney store after spotting a prominent Black Friday sign in the…
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — News that you will not be attending Thanksgiving dinner this year over ongoing concerns surrounding the coronavirus pandemic caused your elderly…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Twice divorced Uncle Mike Dilmer became outraged beyond comprehension due to the mere existence of Tofurky at his extended family’s Thanksgiving celebration,…
LOS ANGELES — Pop star Britney Spears is taking full advantage of her new freedoms following the ending of her 13-year conservatorship by taking to…
WEST HAVEN, Conn. — Local man Nick Gransby is doing surprisingly well for himself with a loving family and fulfilling career, despite having never left…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Brittany Mullins instructed her punk boyfriend Miles Blanchard not to mention his job, band, car, hobbies, drinking habit, religious…
DENVER — Customers of local hotspot SlashCheese, a metal-themed pizza shop with a fittingly grungy exterior and blaring metal playing constantly, reported that the graphic…
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — Legendary rock band Weezer surprised audiences at this past weekend’s Ugly Sweater Festival when their set consisted entirely of ironic versions…
HURSTBOURNE, Ky — Local technophile Dean Espinosa made yet another fucking pencil holder after needlessly blowing $10,000 on a 3D printer, frustrated familial sources confirmed.…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Forty-two-year-old heavy metal fanatic Jason Higgins shocked bar patrons earlier this week by ordering a Jack Daniel’s Whiskey and cola with the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Dominick Campbell exited a port-o-potty he described as a “crime scene level disaster” and gave a wild-eyed expression to the…
BOSTON — Local landlord Viktor Lind used his precious time and resources to add a fresh coat of paint to a dead mouse in the…
NEW YORK — Local punk Than Luethke reports that the majority of his caloric intake comes from the free wine and cheese platters offered at…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Executives at Apple TV responded to “an overwhelming amount of customer demands” by announcing that their network will now be referred to…
Engagement Announcement Overshadowed by More Popular Couple Adopting Dog
SEATTLE — Newly engaged couple Daryl Stein and Hannah West are absolutely livid that their celebratory post got significantly less likes than their friend’s post…