WHEELING, W. Va. — Unemployed hardcore punk singer Lyle “Coccyx” Plant is seeking employment with a resume consisting solely of fistfights and crew battles in…
BURBANK, Calif. – Disney announced that the highly-anticipated third season of their hit series “The Mandalorian” will focus on Yoda as a teenager and his…
Title Fight was one of the greatest emo bands of the 2010s before they disappeared off the face of the Earth in 2018. It’s not…
WASHINGTON — Embattled Rep. Kevin McCarthy offered Republican colleagues two over-the-pants handjobs, redeemable at any time within his term, if they agree to vote for…
NEW YORK — Republican Representative-elect George Santos is facing more scrutiny about his personal life after overwhelming evidence began to pile up refuting his claims…
ORLANDO, Fla. — A new long sleeve shirt design for death metal band Gorebomb is confusing fans with its overwhelming amount of designs plastered all…
Usually when it’s time for The Hard Times to review an album, one of our editors hunts down a writer and gives them a noogie…
DOVER, Del. — Struggling power-thrash band Boot Full of Piss recently sat down to a predictably cheap dinner made up of a bunch of unused…
LOS ANGELES — A tall, blonde-ish actor with Scandinavian roots based in Hollywood is struggling to remember which Skarsgård family member he is, according to…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local teenager and die-hard fan of The Menzingers, Jesse Smith, appeared today to be “tearfully nostalgic” for his 20s, which have…
BUCHAREST, Romania — Law enforcement officers detaining controversial online influencer, misogynist, and sex trafficker Andrew Tate reportedly keep whispering “big fan” every time they walk…
PRINCETON, N.J. – Researchers at Princeton University concluded a nearly decade-long project which yielded inconclusive results regarding whether your long-time friend Charlotte Palmerro actually likes…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix producers are banging their heads in frustration regarding producer Tim Burton’s insistence that Johnny Depp should have gotten the lead…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Local PR account manager Madison Auerbach decided there is more value in referring to people as “unhoused” in her private conversations than…
Each week The Hard Times chooses an album to put under the microscope. Sometimes we even get to review one that’s not even available yet.…