Sarah Cortina
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PALO ALTO, Calif. — A new report out of Stanford University reported that 70% of the average punk’s hydration is…
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Colleen Nerney
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BLACK ROCK DESERT, Nev. – Burning Man festival attendee Joshua Lewis recently died onsite due to his utter paranoia that…
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Matt McInerney
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BOULDER, Colo. — Local woman Berkley Bauer has reportedly bought another fancy new water bottle that is hopefully going to…
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Bobby Korec
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly…
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Nathan Kamal
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Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would…
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Jordan Breeding
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HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans…
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SAN JOSE, Calif. — Roommates at punk/party house the Snake Pit are reportedly growing alarmed by the complete lack of…
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TEMPE, Ariz. – Seven punks have been hospitalized for heat exhaustion and severe dehydration after they refused to remove their…
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