PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
SAN ANTONIO — Multi-instrumentalist Eli “Smudge” Goodwin threw the entire local folk-punk scene into disarray when he tried to make ends meet by pawning his…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local woman and dedicated shower pisser Esme Hill reportedly held her urine in longer than usual on Tuesday night so she…
For better or worse, the origins of punk rock will forever be intrinsically tied to the practice of huffing glue. For some in our subculture…
A person always has a razor-blade, piss, and a cigarette readily available, and whether you’re in the alley behind a bar or lost looking for…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local crust punk David Wong firmly believes that “corporations are an evil plague on society,” which is why he only dumpster dives…
TORONTO — Crust punk Seth Ulrich tragically bled to death yesterday after making the unfortunate decision to floss his teeth for the first time in…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local crust punk Skye Mathtison is leaning hard into self-help culture for 2024, pinning pictures of his deepest desires of the dirtiest…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Local crust punk Gabe Cox is tremendously worried that “radical left” gun control policies will result in his favorite accessory, a belt…
Let me get one thing straight. This may be a punk house, but we’re upper-crust-punks. Whatever I offer my guests is of a caliber so…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Local woman Lily-Ann Greenaway is allowing a crust punk she met last week on a dating app to soak “for a day…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Crust punk Brad DelFino’s bathing attempt brought tragedy to his community yesterday, as sources report the 10-minute shower somehow left DelFino grosser…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crust punk Aaron Beckman compromised his health this week when his self-made coronavirus facemask inadvertently exposed him to 32 other rare…
I’m not saying I don’t take COVID-19 seriously, I do. We all need to do our part and self-isolate or the healthcare system could quickly…
SEATTLE — Capitol Hill crust punk Steve “Skaggs” Sprewell is far more concerned about the raccoon flu he contracted while dumpster diving last week than…