WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the…
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NEW YORK — Local man Marc Ramsey has baked a life-size sourdough girlfriend to combat his quarantine-induced loneliness, concerned sources…
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BROOKLYN — Quarantined punk Lex Sykes took to his own bathroom last week to practice his vandalism skills due to…
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Tyler Simpson
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KANSAS CITY, Kan. — Local gamer Collin Hackett is reportedly excited for the quarantine to be over so he can…
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Jordan Breeding
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SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months…
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Bobby Korec
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ST. LOUIS — Local punk band Dead Houseplants will play Locust Street’s Fubar in exchange for free exposure to COVID-19…
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Nick Ortolani
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KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Margery Watson’s annual Mother’s Day breakfast-in-bed was obstructed by her unsightly ventilator due to complications from an…
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Given that we’ve been in some sort of recession or another ever since I’ve been old enough to know the…
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ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp announced that the state will close hospitals, re-open bars, and “just let God do…
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Quarantine is hard on relationships. Long term confinement, boredom, and lack of privacy have become major concerns for couples. Resentment…
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