NEW YORK — A much-needed last-minute practice for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra was delayed yet again by fucking Dale Andrews, who was late to rehearsal for the…
Experts agree: If The Hard Times is proficient at one thing it’s Biblical scholarship. But, as you know, there is an abundance of misinformation floating…
DETROIT — Local goth teen Shelly Davis announced plans to ruin her family’s Christmas card for the third year in a row, according to a…
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Former President Donald Trump announced his intention to end what he perceives as the “liberal elite War on Christmas” by demanding that…
WASHINGTON — The entire Dischord Records office staff breathed a collective sigh of relief last week after intern Matt Saunder drew Dischord founder Ian MacKaye from…
REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo’s NES Classic drew sharp reactions from critics and fans alike this week with the announcement of the console’s “time limit” feature,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Friends of local punk Derek Evans report they are already fed up with his anti-Christmas rants that accompany every holiday season, a…
You’ve told them countless times. You weren’t rude about it, but you definitely told them. Still, that one weird aunt — or your friend’s new…
LOS ANGELES — Preliminary paper work was filed in Los Angeles superior court this morning stating that Glenn Danzig is suing Santa Claus over late…
AUSTIN, Texas. — Local 13-year-old Tyler Ryan had his Christmas ruined after receiving the most recent Black Flag album “What The…” as a gift. Ryan…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. – You won’t be the only straight edge person around the table this holiday season, because your aunt has loudly declared she will…
USA – A recent spike in GG Allin sightings has been linked to Christmas tree lots sprouting up around the nation, according to Christmas tree…