ASTORIA, Ore. — Local party animal Gary Harper plans to celebrate the completion of Dry January with 11 consecutive months of heavy drinking, confirmed sources…
HIALEAH, Fla. — A new report from local drunk Emily Kinder indicates that the standards of alcoholism held by her primary care physician are “weak…
CENTER VALLEY, Pa. — A man traveling through time with the intention of preventing childhood trauma made a more pressing stop in the year 2010…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Daniel Powers is searching for an acceptable way to find out if his niece’s upcoming birthday party will be BYOB or…
PITTSBURGH — Local woman and functional alcoholic Misty Peterson is reportedly in good spirits today, after a week-long hangover stemming from last Saturday night resolved…
First things first: this is bullshit. Don’t come at me with your judgmental assumptions. There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing and I don’t wanna…