CHARLESTON, S.C. — A new study by the College of Charleston confirms that the majority of shoppers at JoAnn Fabrics espouse stronger and more tangible…
Me and the boys were just hanging out at our favorite dive bar like we do every night. Playing some cards, drinking some beer, and…
PORTLAND, Maine. — Local high school teacher, and all-around cool guy, Peter Thielbault reportedly sits on the toilet backwards whenever he evacuates his bowels, confirmed…
DETROIT — Local metalhead, 36-year-old Denny Brokum, is reportedly willing to admit that he hasn’t heard of the band Scatological Wasteland but is confident that…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Your horny aunt Gladys created an air of tension after expressing a deep and carnal interest in your Type O Negative shirt…
MESA, Ariz. — Over-indulgent guitarist Marky Pritchard was careful to make sure none of his roommates were home before he churned out some truly masturbatory…
PHOENIX — Aging members of local metal band Toxins in the Bloodstream are deep in a spiraling debate about whether they should go all-in with…
LOS ANGELES — Creators of the 2021 film reboot “Dune” were surprised to see a new generation of hardcore kids using references from the movie…
CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate makeup to make them look…
BELO HORIZONTE, Brazil — A team of explorers recently discovered a previously unheard album by heavy metal band Sepultura hidden deep in the Amazon rainforest,…
LOS ANGELES — Director of the upcoming action thriller “Day Of The Eagle” Thad Phillips was able to use the classic The Runaways hit “Cherry…
OAKLAND, Calif. — The local Oakland hardcore scene announced today that it will collectively convert to being a heavily tattooed running group after months of…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local badass eagle and body modification enthusiast Mordechai flummoxed friends and family last week by getting a wimpy-ass nerd tattooed on his…
SEATTLE — Dedicated grandfather and unapologetic metalhead Lyle Makowski carved the names of his two grandsons, Henry and Mitchell, on his forearm last week, shocked…
WEST CHESTER, Pa. — “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville followed COVID-19 hygiene guidelines yesterday by sanitizing a shopping cart before riding it downhill into an also-sanitized…