John Danek
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CHARLESTON, S.C. — A new study by the College of Charleston confirms that the majority of shoppers at JoAnn Fabrics…
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Rob Steinberg
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Me and the boys were just hanging out at our favorite dive bar like we do every night. Playing some…
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Ian Yamamoto
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PORTLAND, Maine. — Local high school teacher, and all-around cool guy, Peter Thielbault reportedly sits on the toilet backwards whenever…
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Matt McInerney
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DETROIT — Local metalhead, 36-year-old Denny Brokum, is reportedly willing to admit that he hasn’t heard of the band Scatological…
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Goodrich Gevaart
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OKLAHOMA CITY — Your horny aunt Gladys created an air of tension after expressing a deep and carnal interest in…
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Patrick Coyne
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MESA, Ariz. — Over-indulgent guitarist Marky Pritchard was careful to make sure none of his roommates were home before he…
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Matt McInerney
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PHOENIX — Aging members of local metal band Toxins in the Bloodstream are deep in a spiraling debate about whether…
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The Hard Times Staff
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LOS ANGELES — Creators of the 2021 film reboot “Dune” were surprised to see a new generation of hardcore kids…
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Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate…
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Kyle Stanley
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BELO HORIZONTE, Brazil — A team of explorers recently discovered a previously unheard album by heavy metal band Sepultura hidden…
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