Aries (March 21-April 19) Cool it, Aries. Just because you watched Childish Gambino’s “This Is America” once doesn’t mean anyone gives a shit about the…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Feel free to take a mental health break today, Aries: you need it after all the mind games you’ve…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your temper will be your downfall this week, Aries. Pick your battles. Your Marxist memes on Facebook are concerning your family,…
Aries (March 21-April 19) You’ve been juggling your career, romance, and creative interests for the past year, Aries… and, hey: maybe it’s time to say…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Aries. Nobody cares that Josh ate your leftover take out. It was moldy, and he puked…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Tensions are high near the 15th this month — especially around your home and family life. Tell your mom to fucking…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Use that Fire sign energy to call out anyone and everyone this week, Aries. It doesn’t have to make sense, or…
Aries (March 21-April 19) While it is true that the stars don’t know everything, they do know that you are, without a doubt, wearing a…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the time to subject everyone to…
Aries (March 21-April 19) As an Aries, it’s no secret that you can be a giant diva from time to time… and you know what?…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t going to change their mind. If you want to go on the…
I grew up in a pretty religious household. Some of my earliest memories are of my grandfather insisting I get baptized. He’d always stay stuff…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — An attempt to locate a passport was halted earlier this afternoon when Capricorn/Libra-rising Vickie Bailey-Wilson paused the search to calculate her natal…
PORTLAND, Maine — A series of simple misunderstandings in conversations with his astrologist girlfriend has led local man Richard Witte to believe there is mercury…
