LAS VEGAS — Heavy metal band Five Finger Death Punch recently transformed their merchandise table into a fully functioning Army recruitment center, sources close to…
Tiger Army is probably the most recognizable American psychobilly band. The genre’s “third wave” lines up well with the release of Tiger Army’s first album…
ARLINGTON, Va. – Army officials at the Pentagon debuted a new, realistic recruitment commercial that portrays a recruit masturbating four times a day in a…
Thirty years. Thirty goddamn years of training, deployments, and countless moves across the world, yet I come home to an entire generation who can’t tell…
College rules. That’s why people wear shirts that just say COLLEGE on them. You can do whatever you want. For example, instead of using the…
At ease, soldier! Just kidding, I know you’re not in the military. Don’t tell anyone but neither am I. But it’s authentic-sounding phrases like that,…
DETROIT — Juggalo scientists reportedly made a “major breakthrough” in their tireless efforts to finally answer the question that has plagued the Juggalo community for…
KABUL, Afghanistan — High ranking members of the Taliban decided to once again ban music throughout Afghanistan after your band’s demo was inadvertently played during…
PHILADELPHIA — All shows featuring tough guy hardcore bands are now on indefinite hiatus as musicians within the genre prepare to head back to Afghanistan,…
NEW YORK — A mercenary team of ex-special forces, KGB, and other trained combatants attempting to take an entire gala event hostage were single-handedly defeated…
ASHEBORO, N.C. — Local punk Dean Brown set his morals and political ideologies aside again yesterday in order to shop at the Garrett Army &…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump took to Twitter last night to announce that all American forces currently serving overseas in Donkey Kong Country are expected…
LOS ANGELES — The number of new recruits joining Tiger Army has reached an all-time low, according to numbers released today by the Tiger Armed…
Last year, I joined the US Army for all the typical reasons: to serve my country, to get a free education, and to see how…
NATIONAL HARBOR, Md. — Air Force Lt. Gen. Howell McKinsey turned heads at the annual Aerospace Warfare Symposium today with his proposal for a radical…