America Tag Archives - Page 7

Awkward Japanese Teenager Thinks American Culture Would Understand Him

Dan Kozuh • March 21, 2018

TOKYO — Tokyo Metropolitan Shinjuku High School student Ayano Ishii plans to move to the United States directly after graduation,…

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Conservatives and Liberals Unite in Outrage as Jerry Jones Rolls up Flag and Sucks It like a Dick

Brendan Krick • October 1, 2017

ARLINGTON, Texas - Americans across the entire political spectrum were furious today as Cowboys owner Jerry Jones rolled up the…

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How to Use the Secret Menu at Chipotle to Order a Gun

Steven Kowalski • September 20, 2017

One of the best things about Chipotle is the secret menu. Using this hidden set of selections, customers can treat…

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Only ’90s Kids Will Get This Bill From the Emergency Room for $200,000

Steven Kowalski • August 27, 2017

Nowadays, it seems like everybody wants to claim they’re a ’90s kid. AS IF! We were getting sick of all…

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Nationwide Dumpster Fire Causing Widespread Crust Punk Starvation

Kris • August 25, 2017

WASHINGTON — Scientists have confirmed that the current nationwide dumpster fire is adversely affecting the national crust punk population, according…

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I Will Not Support a Lazy River

Mark Roebuck • August 16, 2017

So this is this water park you all wouldn’t shut up about, huh? This is not as amazing as you…

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George Bush Unveils Series of Paintings Featuring Scene Veterans

Rick Homuth • May 2, 2017

DALLAS — Former President George W. Bush completed a series of paintings this week honoring heroic scene veterans from various…

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Future Green Day Concept Album Sworn Into Office

Zack Ruskin • January 19, 2017

WASHINGTON – The 45th President of the United States and subject of a Green Day concept album already being written…

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Nation Outraged After Punk Refuses to Stand for Pennywise’s ‘Bro Hymn’

Steven Kowalski • September 1, 2016

SAN DIEGO — 19-year-old punk Macy Sanders created a firestorm of controversy when she reportedly refused to stand during Pennywise’s…

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Green Day Threatens to Release New Album

Jeremy Hammond • September 1, 2016

WASHINGTON – A videotape received by the Pentagon late last night confirmed that Green Day is determined to release a…

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