LOS ANGELES — Local man Peter Thurman is pretty certain nobody can tell he frequently uses his COVID mask as a cloth napkin for yet-to-be…
CLEVELAND — A group of disgruntled, shoeless punks met each other’s empty gazes in a foyer as they attempted to find their own black leather…
FRESNO, Calif. — Local golden retriever DeeDee is utterly ashamed at owner Ben “Stank Beav” Carlisle’s insistence on dragging his itchy, bare ass on their…
DALLAS — Local woman Claudia Rodriguez was stunned this afternoon upon receiving an email approving maintenance for an apartment she has not lived in since…
Trash Moth is back, and my inner 17-year-old is ecstatic that the band I worshiped in high school is finally reuniting after all these years.…
PEORIA, Ill. — Local 36-year-old Victoria Wilkins once again refused to admit to her parents that she completely regrets the Fall Out Boy tattoo she…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Beginner survivalist Ethan Foster quickly forgot which of the two bodily wastes was sterile, piss or shit, while traversing his first expedition,…
PHILADELPHIA — Shiko Dikaoni fell to pieces after glimpsing their reflection in the mirror in the middle of the night when getting up to pee…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
Did we just discover the next Greta Thunberg? This 32-year-old environmental conservation warrior is keeping his carbon footprint small by using the same Spider-Man beach…
First of all, I don’t want this to come across as bragging. But for me, personally, becoming a TV owner under 30 was an investment…
WALDORF, Md. — Otherwise well-adjusted 37-year-old adult Sean Collier realized yesterday that he still folds under the slightest peer pressure despite being decades removed from…
MILWAUKEE — Local 24-year-old adult person Travis Parkes will be prosecuted in juvenile court next week after a judge’s ruling of, “I mean, look at…
SEATTLE — Local woman Rachel Mendoza discovered yesterday that the entire medicine cabinet of adult human and potential partner Ben Ridley contained strictly gummy medications,…
HYRULE — Feeling completely shaken after pulling the Master Sword from its pedestal, unlocking the path to the Sacred Realm and traveling seven years into the…