29. Sharon Marsh
Sharon would never unless you’re her sweet, precious, innocent baby angel who she literally buried bodies for in season 2.
28. Tweek Tweak
America’s favorite coffee enthusiast, Tweek, is far too high-strung to get involved in something so anxiety-provoking. However, with some bullying, he’ll go along with anything, protesting all along the way.
27. Towelie
The best character of all time is an absolute bro and he’d have your back no matter what. Towelie laughs in the face of the human legal system and would not hesitate to help out a friend, no matter the cost. Granted, he’d be so high that he’d get lost on the way to bury it and stop at a police station to ask directions.
26. Michael (aka Earing Goth)
This tall drink of diner coffee is one of the four most nihilistic characters in South Park (the others are three of the Raisins girls, of course). Generally speaking, Michael would not hesitate to bury a body, but you’d need to prove that you’re not too annoying to be around while he does it.
25. PC Principal
Smack dab in the middle of the list lands PC Principal. He falls in the middle because he will absolutely NOT help you hide a body. Unless you’re part of a marginalized group. In which case, he will make it his utmost priority. But if any of you white males want to bury a body, you’ll have to wait your turn for once in your privileged lives.
24. Principal Victoria
Of course she’d help you hide a body! What do you think she got fired for? Just kidding. She was fired for refusing to help a child from a marginalized group hide a body.
23. Mr. Mackey
As a naive pushover who would do anything for his students, an impassioned speech from Stan or Kyle could easily guide a shovel into this counselor’s hand.
22. Henrietta Biggle (aka Girl Goth)
Like her goth counterparts, this creative poet would jump for joy if given the chance to even be around a dead body. Well, not so much “jump for joy” as much “revel in despair.” Either way, she seems to have a less rigidly evil outlook than her friend group, so the body would need to be someone who deserved it. Then again, she likely thinks everyone deserves it.
21. Mr. Hat
The boys’ favorite teaching assistant who dosn’t have a literal community up their butt, Mr. Hat is the semi-sentient puppet “controlled” by Herbert Garrison. Mr. Hat has shown to have a vengeful streak and he’s not afraid of some good ol’ fashioned dismemberment. He still needs to be in on the kill though. Nothing’s free in South Park.