MENDHAM TOWNSHIP, N.J. — The notoriously hardworking Chris Christie began preparing for his 2028 presidential election dropout announcement mere hours after revealing he had ended…
NEWARK, N.J. – Local officials are responding to reports of crowds sprinting towards their lovers through Newark Airport as Frou Frou’s “Let Go” plays over…
For decades sibling rivalry has been the core of legendary British rock band Oasis. Due to their multiple extended hiatuses, I think it is time…
SACRAMENTO, Calif — Several Attendees of the Montgomery High School Class of ‘03 Reunion were left baffled when the night suddenly turned into a collection…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Republican hopefuls Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley are expected to make slavery a big topic for their debate tonight ahead of…
STONINGTON, Conn. — Local man Eddie Walker was rushed to a hospital in critical condition after accidentally laying his head on a pillow with a…
My girlfriend and I have gotten into some pretty freaky stuff lately. In the past, we’ve tried bondage, hair-pulling, and name-calling, but all of that…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local groom and longtime guitarist Parker Anderson gazed longingly at the wedding band guitarist’s illustrious pedal board during the first dance with his…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s public settlement for deliberately slowing down certain iPhones in what was seen as an attempt to swindle users has proven unsuccessful…
DURHAM, N.C. — Researchers at Duke University made the startling discovery that the male brain does not fully mature until death, confirmed sources who didn’t…
You know, it’s hard being an administrative assistant at the 7th most successful personal injury law firm in the larger Madison, Wisconsin metropolitan area. You…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — Cedar Point amusement park guests observed Cure frontman Robert Smith exiting the Millenium Force roller coaster with a head of hair that…
SAN MATEO, Calif. — Multimedia tech CEO, Peter Avakian, held a mandatory all-hands meeting to ensure every employee was present for an iPhone slideshow from…
The truth is, if you’ve escaped twenty-seven club membership, your chances of aging out of the scene increase exponentially with every year. And it’s a…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Marcus Ulrich, the lead singer of local thrash metal band Christknuckle, was reportedly spotted at Walgreens asking employees which black hair dye…