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Nazi Pleads to be Judged by Color of Skin and Not Content of Character

HAYDEN, Idaho — Local white supremacist Jeffrey Braun is struggling with being judged for his beliefs and actions over the color of his skin, Braun confirmed earlier today.

The 30-year-old Braun, who boasts skin “as white as porcelain,” bemoaned the hardships he and his fellow racists face.

“The ‘random’ security screenings we get at the airport violate our rights most of all,” said Braun, hanging a fourth Confederate flag in his living room. “The government needs to spend less time checking my bags and more time protecting our borders. It tears me up — the TSA is wasting time on us, when the real threat is those fucking jihadis. I just want to scream at these motherfuckers, ‘I am white, let me through!’ and keep my damn boots on.’”

Braun’s fellow racists blamed the media’s accurate portrayals of fascism for the backlash towards white nationalists.

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“I sometimes wonder if maybe I hadn’t covered my body with white power tattoos, people might judge me less harshly. Maybe since they can’t see my white skin so clearly, they think I’m a bad guy or something,” said Seth “Sign Guy” Blake, a white nationalist celebrated for beating up counter protesters with street signs. “I mean, I’m a good guy. I have 12 loving children I homeschool so they aren’t brainwashed by Zionist reptiles.”

Despite the lack of true discrimination against him, Braun still yearns for a better time.

“No American less than five-fifths of a person can relate to what we’re going through,” said Braun, taking a break from cleaning his gun collection on his front lawn. “I remember when being a white, Christian male meant you could enjoy yourself anywhere without persecution. Today? People call me an asshole when I hand out pamphlets for preservation of the Aryan race on college campuses.”

“I want to go back to the days when people didn’t know or didn’t care what your SS tattoos meant,” he added. “Call me idealistic, but I dream of once again living in an America where I’m judged by the lightness of my skin and not the darkness of my heart.”

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Article by Johnny Mo @Ethidopeian. Photo by Chip Somodevilla.

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