Press "Enter" to skip to content

Punk’s Girlfriend Puts on Henry Rollins Spoken Word Record Before She Leaves for Work So He Doesn’t Feel Lonely

NASHUA, N.H. – Rebecca Sanders, girlfriend of local punk Ben Stumpf, allegedly puts on a Henry Rollins spoken word record before leaving for work each morning in order to stave off the loneliness her boyfriend may feel being home alone all day, sources confirmed.

“I just worry about him being home alone all day without a job and no real friends to speak up. He quit all social media again for the 5th time, so he doesn’t even have that connection,” said Sanders who works long hours as the Assistant Treasurer at Chase Bank. “I found that if I don’t have something to draw his attention he can get destructive. Sometimes he gets into the trash and makes a mess, and he went through a phase of chewing on the couch and getting stuffing everywhere. I don’t think he means anything by it, he just wants attention and has a lot of pent up energy. Henry’s words seem to make him feel like someone else is in the house. It’s been life-changing for our relationship and our lease.”

Stumpf himself couldn’t be any happier with the situation.

“It’s like my own personal pep talk from the godfather himself,” Stumpf said from his bed even though it was already 2:30 p.m. “Henry’s words just hit differently in the morning, you know? It’s like he’s right there with me, telling me to seize the day and not let the bastards grind me down. It almost makes me want to start working on that novel I’ve been thinking about for a few years, or maybe write a song or two. But I’ll probably just take a nap.”

Dr. Maya Greene, a psychologist specializing in music therapy, weighed in on the psychological benefits of such rituals.

“Listening to music or spoken words that resonate with us can have a profound impact on our mood and mindset,” Dr. Greene explained. “It’s not surprising that men like Ben find solace and motivation in Henry’s powerful words, especially during long, quiet days alone. It is probably not Henry Rollins in particular that Joey is responding to, but more the cadence and rhythm of the words being spoken. It could also be that he is simply a burnout who gets bored.”

While the Rollins’ albums seem to have helped with Stumpf’s behavior, Sanders is still working on getting him to use the toilet, or at least hold it until she is home and brings him outside.