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Grind Band Much More Meticulous About Finding Obscure Horror Samples Than Writing Songs

HOUSTON — Local goregrind band Coffin Stew give much more attention to scouring old sleaze and monster movie VHS tapes for cool samples to put in their songs than to actually writing decent music anyone would want to listen to at all, annoyed horror hounds report.

“Listen, I know we get blasted on Instagram for ‘being lazy hacks’ or how people ‘might as well just put on a Fulci film at full blast’ and whatnot,” said Coffin Stew singer Ryan “The Gorephet” Kenny. “But any old band can gurlge and scream while somone plays the same four Napalm Death riffs over and over. That’s why we spend our band practices browsing vintage horror for only the sickest sound clips. Who has time for ‘music’ when you’re in a grind band anyways? Not this group of depraved freaks.”

Long-Time Coffin Stew fan Allegra Rodriguez talks about how horror samples are the secret ingredient to a great grind band.

“To me, listening to Coffin Stew is an experience unlike any other band in the scene. Mainly because unlike all the other bands that I’m a fan of, I think their music is terrible,” Rodriguez said. “They clearly don’t give a shit about their songs. But the rush I get everytime I recognize the obscure ‘70s grindhouse movie scene the song’s intro is from–that’s worth the price of admission alone. A lot of times, I skip to the next song whenever the garbage guitar kicks in to avoid any embarrassment. At this point it’s basically trivia for me.”

Scene veteran Thomas Parker uses his vast knowledge and experience to weigh in on bands like Coffin Stew.

“The genre of grindcore, when not being of the political or weirdly medical-obsessed variety, was always just a way for horror nerds to show off their knowledge of Italian cannibal films and their love for early death metal,” Parker, who suffers from permanent hearing loss, yelled. “The biggest and most proponent of this is Mortician. You think those guys give a shit about writing songs? No fuckin’ way. It’s all about niche snippets and also cool shades, baby.”

At press time, Kenny was seen “gear shopping” for VCRs at thrift shops in the area.