RJ Atkinson
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EVANSTON, Ill. — A recent study out of Northwestern University confirmed that Free Throw’s iconic midwest emo anthem “Two Beers…
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Trevor Graham
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LOS ANGELES — A young couple recently sighted at a local punk show was deemed way too attractive to actually…
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Tyler Roland
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MINNEAPOLIS — Local ICE Agent Arnie Blacksmith was moved to tears during the “domestic abuse” part of the Disturbed single…
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OREGON CITY, Ore. — Florida band The Schticks reportedly lost their bass player Lars “Puke Boy” Barkerton to dysentery while…
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Steve Packosky
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Oh shit, this interview is not going well. As soon as this guy used the phrase “income statement”, you knew…
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Anna Walsh
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SEATTLE — Local toddler Piper Huga brought pre-k class to a halt this week after counting to 2 then 4…
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Steve Packosky
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NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Garage punk band Diarrhea Planet issued an apology for releasing good music after having chosen such an…
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S.L. Neechski
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WORTHINGTON, Mass. — Country musician and patriot cosplayer Aaron Lewis admitted this week that he crowdsourced his new album, “I’m…
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Tyler Roland
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LONG BEACH, Calif. — The mirror in the men’s bathroom of local venue Harlux is absolutely fucking useless, sources with…
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Steve Packosky
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CENTRE ISLAND, N.Y. — Popular singer/songwriter Billy Joel revealed that his 1973 hit “Piano Man” is actually about a nightmarish…
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