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Band On Verge of Breaking Up Hopes to Solve Issues by Buying a Synth

NORFOLK, Va. — Members of local power pop band The Voltage Enthusiasts reportedly purchased a synthesizer in what some are claiming is a “last ditch effort” to keep the band together, according to sources monitoring inter-band member disputes stretching back 16 months or more.

“I feel like we’ve tried everything at this point,” said drummer Denver Kennedy. “We’ve gone on tour, started talking more in between songs at gigs, even mixing up our song structures in the practice space. I mean, hell, we have even tried collaborating with other people and covering other people’s songs. We just don’t seem to have that spark anymore. But we want to stick it out for our fans. So I guess we’ll see if a synth can bring us closer together.”

For fans of The Voltage Enthusiasts, the news came as a shock.

“I had no idea they were having trouble in paradise, none of us did. I hope they can work it out because they are one of the only local bands worth leaving the house for,” said longtime supporter Ebony Pugh. “But I guess you never know what’s happening behind the scenes. They just all seem so perfect together. Whenever I’m at one of their gigs, they look so happy and even do stuff like sing into each other’s microphones in front of the audience. Guess it must have been pretty rocky backstage.”

However, some question whether the new purchase will keep the band together.

“As soon as you get to this point, you’re far beyond saving yourselves. I’ve seen bands at a synth, tambourine, even a second drummer, it’s just not going to work,” said local music critic Lillia Sullivan. “There’s just too much history to work through and this band has history. Like, as soon as I heard that their bassist had started playing wedding gigs on the side, I knew that the other members would eventually find out and they did. And I know they’ve been going to therapy, but I just don’t understand how a synth can get you past that sort of betrayal.”

According to reports from the group’s Instagram page, many have already seen improvements in the members’ demeanor that have greatly surpassed the results of their last attempt at saving the band which involved “just having lots of sex with each other.”