15. Yoda
One of Trump’s very, VERY few redeeming… well, no redeeming is a big word… let’s say HUMAN qualities, is that he’s kind of a movie guy! Don’t believe us? Just ask the late great Dr. Hannibal Lecter. As anyone who’s ever been called a cuck in a Star Wars shitposting group can tell you, there is a huge contingency of neckbeards who love Yoda just waiting to be pandered to, and as anyone who watched “The Book of Boba Fett” can tell you, they LOVE being pandered to.
14. Living With a Hernia
“We got sued for trying to use “Living in America” so just pretend this is that. Oh, and that Antifa is real. God bless!”
13. Bedrock Anthem
“There was a time in this great nation’s history where real men had ribs delivered to their cars that were so large the car would tip over, and I say let’s get back to that!”
12. Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies
If it weren’t for the narrative of backwoods morons stumbling ass-backward into enormous wealth, Trump wouldn’t have a base to begin with. It’s the dream he’s been selling them from the beginning.
11. White & Nerdy
Sorry liberals. Facts don’t care about your FEELING that using this as a campaign song makes no sense.
10. Eat It
Doesn’t he say this already? This feels like a very Trump thing to say.
9. Another One Rides The Bus
Campaign bus that is! Yup. That’s really the only level of dot connect Trump needs to go all in.
8. I Lost on Jeopardy
Everyone knows that show is for intellectuals, and that intellectual is just another word for GROOMER!
7. Trigger Happy
Getting shot at, from a public image perspective, was a move with some pros and some cons overall, but to the NRA, it played weak. Using this song would be a great way for Trump to show 2nd Amendment hardliners that he’s not concerned with the dangers of gun violence even after it literally jumped up and bit him.
6. Christmas at Ground Zero
Research has proven that appealing to people’s latent death impulses can be a marketing goldmine. Thing big tobacco. Not only would this macabre Christmas song as a campaign anthem fit the “weird” narrative like a glove, but its ominous nuclear holocaust subject matter could lure in the undecided bad-boy demographic.
5. Word Crimes
Trump commits word crimes anytime he speaks publicly, and it’s time he just embraced it as part of his brand. Imagine how much stronger saying “Maybe 2nd Amendment people can take care of Hillary, I don’t know” would have played if he dropped the mic and threw his little hands in the air as this song started playing.
4. Gump
Is there anything out-of-touch sundowning boomers love more than the movie “Forrest Gump?” Plus it’s a parody of a Presidents of the United States of America song so, you know, lot to work with here.
3. The White Stuff
It’s about Oreos, but while the rest of us are focused on the sugary filling between chocolate cookies, Trump supporters will be reading between the lines.
2. Dare to Be Stupid
The number one rule in politics, nay, any form of showmanship—give the people what they want. What do Trump supporters want? Permission, even encouragement, to be their dumb as fuck selves. They are sick and tired of the Ivy League-educated liberal elites telling them to stop destroying the planet, eat vegetables, and acknowledge the basic humanity of people who are different than them. You’re unemployed in a Dakota because there’s no border wall—dare to be stupid! Drag queens reading children’s books are destroying America—dare to be stupid! Vladimir Putin is a great man—dare to be stupid!
1. Amish Paradise
This really gets to the heart of what conservative thought is all about. So far Trump’s bread and butter has been selling the idea of returning America to “a simpler time,” basically an outright fictionalized rose-colored-glasses version of ‘50s idealism. We think he could do well for himself going even further. “Electricity makes the liberal agenda possible. Look at the Amish! Look at how good they have it! Their children respect their elders, no one is lazy, the women know their place, it’s fantastic!” We can honestly really see his base getting behind this message.
Listen to the playlist:
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