45. Darkseid
Darkseid’s omega beam attack is considered one of the most devastating moves in the universe. It is second only to my rear-naked choke.
44. Galactus
Sure this guy devours a whole planet every now and then, but I’m eating 6000 calories of high-protein meals every day. Once I cut all this bulk he’s toast.
43. Dr. Doom
I agree with Victor Von Doom politically, but there can only be one alpha. I’ll take him out with the fantastic four, which is what I’ve named my arms and legs.
42. Loki
The Norse God of mischief, Loki is a master of trickery. To beat him at his own game I’ll deploy a series of “question mark kicks,” faking him out with a juke towards the body but snapping up to his face at the last second.
41. Dark Phoenix
I’ve always admired the legend of the phoenix, a bird that burns to death but is reborn from the ashes. Kind of like how my anabolics get me going again minutes after a workout.
40. Kingpin
Bro can bench 650, and honestly, respect. Unfortunately he’s neglected cardio, classic rookie mistake. I’ll take out this crime boss using the classic rope-a-dope technique and when he’s sucking wind I’ll put him out of his misery.
39. Brainiac
This chump is supposedly the most intelligent consciousness in the universe, but while he was busy building up that big old brain he forgot to work his abdominals. Good luck thinking your way around my freshly blasted core sucka.
38. Apocalypse
Dudes always saying only the fittest survive. Once I get my BMI from 55, which I intentionally bulked myself up to by the way, down to a BMI of 5 the fittest will be me.
37. Mr. Freeze
Homeboy’s only power is his freeze gun, and little does he know that cryogenics only make me stronger. No contest.
36. Deathstroke
If you can’t even take out Batman’s sidekick, how are you going to fight me, a guy who has watched over 30 hours of Rodtang Jitmuangnon’s Muay Thai fights on YouTube?
35. Bane
This guy only juices one thing, a special venom he gets from the Amazon. That’s cute, but it’s nothing compared to the cocktail of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements in my system at all times.
34. Harley Quinn
She wouldn’t be the first chick to come at me with a hammer. I’ll just dodge her attacks, let her smash a few things, and then tell my cop buddies she’s crazy.
33. Abomination
I always keep a crowbar in my trunk just in case I need to fight someone stronger than the Incredible Hulk. You might consider that cheating, but that just means you don’t know the streets like I do.
32. Megatron
Transforming into a giant robot is badass, especially when you start out as a cool gun, but anyone who follows me on Insta can tell you transformation is my bread and butter. He may be a machine, but I’m a straight beast.
31. Poison Ivy
This lady is the epitome of environmentalism gone mad yo. That’s why I’m going to fight fire with fire and snort a few lines of Athletic Greens supplement powder before we square off. The vitamins, minerals, and adaptogenics should maximize my biometrics and give me the edge.