30. Kang The Conqueror
I can’t prove it on paper, but I’m actually 1/16th Cherokee Native American. That has nothing to do with Kang specifically, just one of many things that makes me cool and strong.
29. Lord Zedd
He can turn into a giant, but so can I. Just two weeks of peanut butter protein shakes with every meal and I’m already up 30 lbs of twisted steel.
28. Clayface
It’s tough to beat on an amorphous opponent, but much like the cheap memory foam mattress on my bedroom floor, he can only take so much. His clay ass cannot handle my stamina.
27. Mister Mxyzptlk
Apparently, the way to take out this little mother fucker is to get him to say his own name, but I can’t even say his name, so I’m thinking maybe a diagonal elbow strike to the bridge of his nose instead.
26. Electro
I’m betting this guy does a ton of EMS training, but if you ask me that’s just a fad for lazy people with too much money. The world is my gym son, F around and find out.
25. Cat Woman
I won’t need any of my combat training to take down this feline fiend. Instead, I will rely on the raw power of my alpha male seductive prowess. Cat Woman can’t resist a strong man, and it gets no stronger than me, a guy who’s pretty sure he can beat up Supervillains.
24. Carnage
It takes a symbiote to stop a symbiote, which is why I’ve loaded myself up with Toxoplasma gondii, a brain parasite that makes me more aggressive.
23. Omni Man
I’ll just let him talk like he’s my father until he wakes up the demons in me.
22. Doctor Octopus
My man’s got four extra robotic arms that he controls with his mind, but I beat up 6 dudes at my nephew’s soccer game before the cops showed up so I think I can take him.
21. Ebony Maw
His name means “black mouth” in Spanish, but when I’m done laying down my jab-right uppercut-left hook combos on him he’ll have to change it to black and blue mouth.
20. Magneto
As a personal rule I would never beat up a senior citizen, unless his chick was a total smoke show. Since this dude rolls with Mystique, I’m gonna have to lay him out.
19. Cobra Commander
As one of the last few alpha male patriots, I refuse to back down in the face of a foreign power that isn’t Russia.
18. Solomon Grundy
Solomon Grundy, born on a Monday, done and skipped leg day, now he’s crying mayday. That motherfucker is gonna wanna stay in the ground after he gets a taste of the spinning back elbow I’ve almost gotten the hang of.
17. Ocean Master
Step 1: Move the fight to dry land.
Step 2: Double-leg takedown.
Step 3: Make him eat dirt until he taps.
16. Mumm-ra
I don’t care how much trouble he gave the Thundercats, no one who needs that many ace bandages can compete with this work.