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Ranked: Every David Lynch Movie We Would Rather Live In Than Deal with This Election

Unless you’re a very particular type of person, the films of David Lynch are not what come to mind when you think “comfort food.” They are surreal, intentionally disorienting, and at times terrifying. They’ve been known to give viewers a confusing sense of existential dread, but that feeling is nothing compared to what life in the United States will be like for the next four months.

We all know that the lead-up to America’s presidential election is going to be hell after fresh hell each and every day. Between immunity granted to him by the Supreme Court and undecided voter sympathy after his failed assassination attempt, Trump seems stronger than ever. And with Democrats scrambling to push forward an untested, flawed candidate certainly nothing could go wrong? Virtually all of our societal woes—inflation, violence, bigotry—are on the rise, and will be weaponized by both sides in an effort to fill us all with frothing hot rage. Suddenly living in a David Lynch movie doesn’t sound so bad! But which one?

We’ve ranked all ten of David Lynch’s feature-length films to determine which one we’re most likely to “Last Action Hero”/”Pleasantville” our way into to escape the madness of late-stage capitalism’s performative democracy, and we strongly urge you to join us!

10. Eraserhead (1977)

This would be a completely lateral move. Both in this David Lynch film and in real life there’s nothing more terrifying than being forced to have a baby, and in both places that’s exactly what a lot of us are looking at.

9. Lost Highway (1997)

This was once considered David Lynch’s most surreal story, in which a man accused of murder inexplicably transforms into another person while in prison. Unfortunately, life has caught up with Lynch’s trademark strangeness, as the Democratic presidential candidate has transformed from a doddering old white man to a black female cop no one cares about overnight. Much like the film, no one knows what this means, where this is going, or how it will all end, they just know to be confused and scared.

8. Blue Velvet (1986)

In the world of this movie, the seedy bizarre underbelly of idyllic Americana doesn’t come out and attack you. It’s not front and center supporting fascism and trying to throw librarians in prison. You gotta go poking your nose around in places you know you shouldn’t. Kyle MacLachlan could have just put that ear down and gone about his day and everything would have been hunky-dorey. In real life, we don’t have that choice. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try to ignore the unpleasantness, we are all trapped in a closet watching Dennis Hopper (Trump,) huff gas, (Qanon,) turn into “baby” and commit assault against Dorothy Vallens (the constitution/basic human decency.)

7. The Elephant Man (1980)

Often called Lynch’s most accessible film, the story of John Merrick, aka “The Elephant Man” is tragic, gut-wrenching, and still far more palatable than any major news outlet will be for the next four months.

6. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

This prequel to the series “Twin Peaks” recounts Laura Palmer’s tragic final days and fleshes out some of the cryptic mythology Lynch first established in the show, though ultimately asks more questions than it answers. Originally over five hours in length, Lynch was forced to cut significant chunks from the final version, and it shows. The film is extremely disjointed, nightmarish, and often devoid of context, even by David Lynch standards. Still, let’s look at some of the things this cinematic hellscape has going for it over our world:

  • No one ever says “He’s gonna run the country like a business.”
  • The federal government has a task force dedicated to protecting us from evil.
  • David Bowie shows up for a little while.We’ll take it!

5. Wild at Heart (1990)

Lynch’s obsessions with ’50s Americana and “The Wizard of Oz” are on full display in this two lovers against the world road trip movie. Despite the film’s deliberate artifice and fantastical imagery, it’s one of Lynch’s most violent, graphic, and upsetting entries, though it ends on an endearing and hopeful note and that’s more than we’ll be able to say on November 5th.

4. Inland Empire (2006)

Imagine being glued to the TV on November 5th desperately tracking the exit polls as Trump goes head to head with whoever the fuck only for someone off camera to yell “cut” and your world pans out and it turns out everything is normal for a second. Sure there will just be more weirdness ahead and sure you’re shot on digital and look like shit, but that one little moment of reprieve? We would kill for that.

3. Mulholland Drive (2001)

Full-blown amnesia, while normally not ideal, would be great right now. Sure we would spend the ensuing time uncovering horror after horror—the dirty man/creature behind the diner, the mysterious and sinister cowboy, Project 2025, etc, but that brief period of time where we have absolutely no idea what’s going on and Naomi Watts is being super nice to us would be a great little vacation from all the chaos of this election cycle.

2. The Straight Story (1999)

Lynch calls this his most experimental film, but since everything Lynch follows Bizzaro world topsy-turvey opposite day rules, it’s actually his most normal movie. It’s the story of an extremely stubborn old man, but instead of insisting on staying in a presidential election he can’t possibly win way too long, he takes a 240-mile trip on a riding mower to visit his sick brother and has cutesy misadventures along the way. Harmless elderly doddering, what could be more refreshing right now?

1. Dune (1984)

Is it the best David Lynch movie? No. Is it the best “Dune” movie? Not even close. Is it a good movie by any metric? Probably not. Yeah it’s weird as hell, dogged by studio notes and a lot of it just doesn’t work but it has its moments, it has its charms, and at the end of the day an oppressive empire is overthrown by the people. What could be better escapism from our current political landscape than that?