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Every “Twin Peaks” Character Ranked by How Easy It Would Be to Live With Them

20. Andrew Packard

Andrew practically built the town of Twin Peaks, with his sawmill providing the backbone for a quaint but thriving community. He faked his own death, which is honestly pretty cool, but I can’t be sure he wouldn’t do it again when it came time to pay rent or wait for the internet guy to show up.

19. Leland Palmer

Technically Leland has done some pretty horrible things, like (spoiler) murdering his daughter Laura Palmer. But that was all under the influence of BOB. Leland himself seems pretty okay. Assuming he wasn’t being influenced by agents of The Black Lodge I think he would be a perfectly viable roommate.

18. Maddy Ferguson

As a character, Maddy is 100% a plot device. She pretty much just exists to give Sheryl Lee more screen time and to pad the killer’s numbers without offing anyone significant. That’s not necessarily a bad quality in a roommate though. She would sort of be like a murder canary. If she gets killed, I’ll know that me and the other main characters are in danger.

17. Annie Blackburn

She’s Miss Twin Peaks, knows how to make coffee as good as Norma, and looks exactly like Rollergirl. She can move in today.

16. Major Garland Briggs

He may seem like your average career-military stiff at first, but Garland Briggs has layers. He has the emotional depth required to love his son Bobby despite the fact that Bobby sucks out loud, he’s on a first-name basis with the log lady, and he may have been abducted by owl aliens, that’s pretty cool.

15. Deputy Andy Brennan

Andy is a goofball with a heart of gold. He might not always know he’s the funniest guy in the room, but he always is. And unlike Hawk, Andy is a roommate who would never threaten my status as house alpha.

14. Hawk

Hawk is definitely the coolest bookhouse boy. He’s reliable, practical, and extremely capable. He’s spiritually aware, but not in an annoying guage-earing guy type of way. But is he too cool? You don’t want to live with someone so awesome they remind you and any guests you may bring over of what a piece of crap you really are.

13. Norma Jennings

Norma is kind and seems to treat her employees well, but more importantly than that she makes a damn fine cup of coffee and a damn fine cherry pie. If you’ve never had a roommate that likes to cook, do yourself a favor and get one.

12. Julee Cruise

Julee is a real person in real life, which is a significant advantage when it comes to paying bills and signing a lease and whatnot. If she’s anything like her counterpart on the show she would constantly be singing ethereal, sort of surreal melodies that emotionally resonate with wherever I’m at in my life at any given moment. That may grow tiresome, but I’ll give it a shot.

11. Sheriff Harry S. Trueman

Normally I would never live with a cop, but Harry seems alright. You never see him use force against someone who doesn’t deserve it, and I think he has a 420-friendly vibe. He adapts to crazy situations quickly, so when my mania kicks in and I’m working on a noise project all night he’ll probably roll with it.

10. The Man From Another Place

Love this little man. He’s from another dimension, his fashion sense is impeccable, and his dance game is on point. The only reason he’s not in the top spot is because I can’t understand a goddamn word that he says. I don’t think he’s captioned in real life, so it presents a real challenge in a cohabitation situation.

9. Agent Denise Bryson

I can’t think of a better reason for having Denise Bryson in the top 10 than “She’s trans-Mulder from X-files,” and I don’t think I need one. Living with Denise would significantly raise my coolness profile.

8. Eileen Hayward

Having Eileen move in would force my landlord to make the place wheelchair accessible, which would be super helpful when it came to loading and unloading amps from my van. She did have an affair with Benjamin Horne, but we’ve all made mistakes.

7. Lucy Moran

Lucy ranks high on this list due to her penchant for laying out meticulously organized spreads of donuts and coffee every morning. Yes, please.

6. Dr. Lawrence Jacoby

He’s a cantankerous old weirdo, but he’s my kind of cantankerous old weirdo. He is possibly the most unethical psychiatrist of all time, but I’m not looking for ethics. I’m looking for someone who gets me stoned out of my mind and tells me stories about the Merry Pranksters. I could see there being friction from time to time, but overall I think living with Jacoby would be far out.

5. Pete Martell

Throughout this list, I’ve rejected characters as roommates on the basis that they are too old or too weird. Pete is an old weirdo for sure, but he’s the kind of old weirdo you sort of wish was your dad. I could see us maybe going on a fishing trip. He could teach me how to percolate coffee, maybe tell a groan-worthy off-color joke here and there, but in a lovable way. Unlike my real dad, I bet Pete would encourage my writing. Maybe even tell me he was proud of me for once.

4. Big Ed

I have an absentee landlord, so it’s always good to have a roommate who knows how to fix stuff. He’s also got a bit of an old rockabilly vibe, I bet I could get him into The Cramps. I’m sure we wouldn’t see eye to eye on everything, but anyone who can put up with Nadine full-time can handle my bullshit.

3. Gordon Cole

Any deaf roommate is pretty much like hitting the roommate lottery. Crank the TV as loud as you want, have people over any time, blast death metal at 2:00 a.m., it doesn’t matter. The only reason Gordon Cole doesn’t grab the top spot is because he rolls with Albert, and fuck that guy.

2. Diane

Diane possesses the single greatest attribute you could possibly want in a roommate: You never, ever see her. And she actually pays attention to notes! All you have to do is leave a tape recording of yourself saying “Diane, we have a housing authority inspection, could you move your stuff out of the hallway?” and the next thing you know it’s done. With my last roommate, I started writing “please buy toilet paper” ON the toilet paper, and in a year he never once did it.

1. Special Agent Dale Cooper

I like to surround myself with positive people. Dale Cooper has seen some serious stuff in his day, but he’s also cracked the nugget of happiness. He knows how to be in the moment and appreciate the things most people take for granted, but in a cool David Lynch TM way, not in an annoying hippy way.

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