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Every “Twin Peaks” Character Ranked by How Easy It Would Be to Live With Them

30. Vivian Smythe

Just your typical failed artist turned harsh critic. I don’t need Vivian’s negative energy stifling my creative flow. Plus she’s old, and while I am not an ageist, I do believe that old people are weird and gross and shouldn’t touch me or any of my things.

29. John Justice Wheeler

Look he’s a nice guy and all, but I would never be able to bring a girl home again without her instantly falling for his charms. Who could blame them? Frankly, he gives me some pretty confusing feelings I don’t know if I’m ready to unpack right now.

28. Mayor Dwayne Milford

One thing you need to know about me is I’m not ageist, I just don’t like the way old people’s brains work or how they smell. This fossil is holding on to his mayor-ship even as his mental faculties are clearly on the decline, so you know he’ll keep driving way longer than he should be allowed to. I have a narrow driveway, and I don’t want to share it with Mr. Magoo.

27. Doc Hayward

He has a good paying stable job as a doctor, but he’s full of the forlorn losery energy of a man who’s been cucked by Benjamin Horne. Come to think of it, he’s probably retired by now. I see him moping around the kitchen spitballing ideas for a true crime book he’ll never actually write. Bad vibes.

26. Dell Mibbler

We only knew Dell in the last few minutes of the final episode, and it was a cliffhanger so he may be dead. Still, he seemed nice and helpful, so I guess he’s in the running.

25. Betty Briggs

Betty is a pretty sweet person. She’s not the most fleshed-out character on the show but she makes it to the home stretch of the list for the same reason her husband does: Anyone who can live with Bobby Briggs and not murder him is safe to live with. I could probably get away with murder rooming with either one of them.

24. Sylvia Horne

Characters in the last third of this list fall into two categories: people who seem like cool roommates, and people we know almost nothing about. I’ll roll the dice on rooming with Sylvia Horne instead of a devil I know like Hank Jennings any day.

23. Donna Hayward

Donna is a little dull at times. She seems to think smoking a cigarette once makes her dark and mysterious. Nevertheless, I would take comfort in knowing my roommate would fully dedicate themselves to solving my murder, no matter how shitty I was. Donna Hayward, you are a perfectly viable roommate.

22. The Giant

I think it would be pretty cool to live with Dale Cooper’s ethereal, cryptic spirit guide. We really only see him giving breadcrumb clues to solve a murder, but I bet he could do other things. He could appear before me when I’m at Trader Joe’s and remind me to get some sweet potato gnocchi. He could materialize any time I’m getting as drunk as I was the last time I hooked up with my ex and say “It’s happening again!” He could change that one light bulb I need a stepladder for. Lot of pros, very few cons.

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