If you have been unfortunate enough to visit the YouTube comments of the video of any given metal band, you’re well aware of the ever-present arguments over which subgenre said band belongs in. Well, a couple decades ago, a certain ragtag group of gentlemen from Vancouver addressed these questions with a resounding “WHO GIVES A SHIT? SERIOUSLY, WHO THE FUCK CARES?” If you were so inclined, you’d be able to find evidence for 3 Inches of Blood being power metal, NWOBHM-worship, thrash, melodic death metal, or any number of other compartments your eager little Cheeto-stained fingers desperately want to type into the keyboard. Or, they argue, you can just shut up and headbang. We at the Hard Times are quarrelsome internet chuds by our nature, and while it’s difficult to resist the call of our true selves, we’re going to opt for the latter here. Let’s rage!
5. Battlecry Under a Wintersun (2002)
A promising debut that doesn’t deliver so much as it hints at the fantastic devilry to come, “Battlecry Under a Wintersun” is plagued by some rough production (particularly on Jamie Hooper’s high screams,) and some questionable songwriting choices. We’re glad the band decided to largely abandon clean vocals after this. With that being said, there’s a lot to enjoy here. “Curse of the Lighthouse Keeper” is catchy as all git out, and “Conquerors of the Northern Sphere” starts out with a killer thrash riff that hearkens back to James Hetfield’s super-precise rhythm work (before Metallica became the exemplars of shitsucking we now know and love them to be.) Toss this on at the end of your D&D playlist, after you and your little nerd buddies have had your fill of old Emperor and Satyricon tunes.
Play it again: “Balls of Ice”
Skip it: “Sunrise Over the Fjords”
4. Here Waits Thy Doom (2009)
Alright, now we’re talking! Eschewing much of the gritty attitude present in their early releases (largely due to Jamie Hooper’s departure,) for a bit more of an NWOBHM approach, 2009’s “Here Waits Thy Doom” doesn’t skimp on the metal by any stretch of the imagination. Just listen to that thrashy outro to “Battles and Brotherhood” and try not to start a circle pit in Tim Horton’s (that’s where we presume all Canadians are physically located at any given time.) Guitarist Justin Hagberg fills in on the harsh vocals nicely, reminding us of Jeff Walker in the post-reunion Carcass releases. Overall, this is a fantastic album, and its position at Number 4 should only serve as an indication of how sick the rest of their discography is. Play it loud!
Play it again: “Call of the Hammer”
Skip it: “Preacher’s Daughter” (it starts off with a catchy riff but it ends up getting kind of boring)
Honorable Mention: “Anthems for the Victorious” EP (2011)
Two songs of crunchy, catchy riffs and album art that’s like a cuddlier version of Bolt Thrower’s “War Master.” What more could a metalhead ask for?
3. Long Live Heavy Metal (2012)
It’s fitting that the title of this album is such an obvious nod to Rainbow, because we can detect Ritchie Blackmore’s stank all over this bad boy. “Chief and the Blade” reminds us of “Temple of the King” off the first Rainbow album, and “Look Out” has some serious “Kill the King” vibes (there are probably a lot more similarities, but we’ve headbanged ourselves stupid revisiting these albums.) Vocalist Cam Pipes (yes, that’s his real name) employs more of a King Diamond falsetto here over his more biting rasp from prior releases, which fits given the more classic feel of the album. On the whole, this is the most varied album in the band’s catalog, and is certainly worthy of endless replays. Fun fact: if you’re not wearing a leather jacket while listening to this, one will materialize on your torso before it ends.
Play it again: “4000 Torches”
Skip it: “My Sword Will Not Sleep”
2. Advance and Vanquish (2004)
One listen to that opening riff of “Deadly Sinners” and you’ll know why that’s such a fan favorite (and provides the perfect accompaniment to a Rune Glifberg Christ Air in “Tony Hawk’s Underground 2.”) This album fucking rips, due in equal parts to the superior songwriting and FAR superior production of the debut. Cam Pipes and Jamie Hooper complement each other perfectly, providing a torrent of devastation as they sing about God knows what (just look at those song titles,) over the twin guitar assault of Sunny Dhak and Bobby Froese. Use this to drown out the Bryan Adams emanating from the house of your Canadian neighbors, and they’ll soon be headbanging with you while you collectively wonder what the fuck a “Wykydtron” is.
Play it again: All of it
KILL it: The orcs! Slay the orcs! Destroy the orcs!
1. Fire up the Blades (2007)
Holy shit, this is good. With their third album, the band took everything killer about their second and improved upon it, with maybe a bit more influence from the extreme metal realm largely due to drummer Alexei Rodriguez. Just listen to “God of the Cold White Silence” and try not to lose your goddamn mind. Overall, what sticks out most to us in this album are the riffs, which abound throughout the entire thing, and hit their peak levels of catchiness in songs like “Trial of Champions,” “Assassins of the Light,” and “The Hydra’s Teeth.” This is a must-have for even the most casual fans of metal, and if you haven’t crushed an entire case of Moosehead by the time you reach its end, may you be cut down by a demon’s blade!
Play it again: Yep
Skip it: You should’ve skipped this fucking article and listened to the album instead. What were you thinking?