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5 Ways the Climate Apocalypse Will Be Great for the DIY Scene

Is it just me, or is everyone super bummed about climate change? While the lame-o’s waste their time composting and not having babies, the rest of us are ready to live our best, and dare I say, punkest lives. Here’s 5 ways the climate apocalypse will be great for the DIY scene:

Much cooler (not the temperature):
In the year 2060, or probably sooner, we won’t be cruising around in dumbass clean-energy cars. We’ll be ripping through the desert with armored tanks of destruction, Thunderdome-style. And who’s going to craft these badass machines for the unprepared survivors? You and your expert DIY pals, that’s the fuck who! Imagine how cool you’ll feel shredding rubber in your DIY killmobile. It is ‘shred rubber,’ right? I have driven. I own a car. I know how it’s done.

No Water? No Problem:
Even though the coasts will flood, potable water will be a limited resource for you. Us. All of us. I disclosed to The Hard Times my family’s connection to the fossil fuel industry, okay? I repeat, I will not benefit in any way from the acceleration of climate collapse. Anyway, with less water comes less showers. Luckily, your DIY scene is already used to not showering so this will be a breeze!

Membership in DIY collectives will skyrocket:
You think your town’s brake-light repair pop-up was a big deal? Imagine the kind of interest people will take in DIY stuff when no one but you knows how to start a fire. You could even hoard resources and sell half-built garbage back to desperate stragglers at a profit, restarting capitalism- the very mechanism that caused the climate apocalypse!

New Bands Every Day:
After the climate apocalypse, everyone will start new DIY bands to have a bonding activity that stops them from killing and eating the few who survived when the icebergs melted and unleashed deadly bacteria like a plague upon the earth. Every night will be a new sliding scale show with a different lineup. You people will love it! And so will I, I’ll be there with you, scrambling for necessities after the climate apocalypse, and definitely not safe in my panic-room-like yacht.

DIY your own reason here:
You’re the experts! I’m sure you’ll come up with something good for the fifth reason that the inevitable, unstoppable collapse of the environment will be great for you and your weird art-punk friends. I can’t. I gotta go load the yacht with canned goods before next year or probably sooner. The point is, climate change is cool and can’t be blamed on anything related to oil, making money, or me and my oil-money-rich family. A truly DIY-ready future is almost here and resisting it would be not only futile, but super lame.

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