WASHINGTON — Famed Harry Potter villain Lord Voldemort was spotted at Donald Trump’s Presidential Inauguration, hiding under First Lady Melania Trump’s hat, multiple sources confirmed.
“It was horrifying to witness a wet, wrinkly face peeking out from behind Melania’s head, and it’s something I won’t soon forget,” said BBC Journalist Terry Clarins. “I felt something was off the minute Trump started his speech. Melania was staring daggers at the back of his head, which I first assumed was due to fake tanner dripping onto his collar. But then she started hissing some sort of snake-like language under her breath and her eyes flickered red. It felt almost like she was cursing him, or like she was controlling his every move. I followed her backstage when no one was watching, where I saw her remove her hat and reveal this misshapen, humanoid growth pulsating at the back of her head. It was so grotesque I fear I may never have a solid night’s rest again. I could hear her talking with it—they were discussing murdering this teenage boy and taking over some school with dark magic. I could only hear every other word, but I definitely heard them say, ‘There are only two pronouns,’ and, ‘Build a wall.’ Also, I have no idea what it means, but there was a mention of a ‘Horcrux’ inside J.D. Vance? Didn’t sound great!”
At press time, the First Lady denied all claims of “assisting the Dark Lord with his bidding,” while donning a large Pharell hat to accommodate what she said was “just a really bad headache.”