FERNDALE, Mich. — Amateur woodworker Larry Tashlin finished his latest birdhouse last night, complete with a functioning, and admittedly adorable, little basement venue at the bottom, puzzled sources confirmed.
“The craftsmanship and attention to detail is undeniable,” said local Home Depot employee Hal Roche. “Did you see that little bucket for seed donations for touring birds? But, yeah… that kid knows birds don’t form bands, right? The amount of bird feces that ends up in that area will be overwhelming. Well, maybe that isn’t much different than a normal basement venue, now that I think about it.”
Tashlin admitted that, after years of building standard birdhouses, he felt he had to add such a venue for any potential birds living in the small wooden structure.
“You know, in case the little guys wanna do shows or something. I dunno,” Tashlin mumbled, not noticing the illogical nature of his statement. “I went pretty all out. That tiny little P.A. works and is ready to be put to use. It even has a water heater all the birds have to avoid crashing into, or it will totally ruin the space.”
However, Tashlin seemed uncertain about the birdhouse’s placement in the yard.
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“I wanna make sure it’s not too close to the neighbor’s place. Those dudes can be dicks about noise. I don’t want the bird cops called,” Tashlin said, without any discernible irony at all. “This could be the start of something big — and by big, I mean really, really, small. You know… bird-sized.”
Pressed about his woodworking future, Tashlin revealed plans to take his animal venues a few steps further. A gerbil iteration will contain its own zine shop, while another will be the world’s first ant farm “with an itty-bitty little shared practice space inside.”