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Nu Metal Fan Proudly Showing Friends Every Time He Can Be Seen In Woodstock ‘99 Documentary

SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local Nu Metal enthusiast Clark Cannon is forcing anyone in his life with a Netflix account to pull up the documentary “Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99” so he can point out every instance he can be spotted amid the chaos and violence, unamused friends report.

“You can see me clear as day in the front row for Korn and again when they show a clip of security escorting me away after I jumped the barricade during Limp Bizkit,” Cannon said after turning a friend’s birthday celebration into an impromptu watch party. “It gets really good around the thirty-five minute mark you can see me setting fire to a merch booth while Flea is flopping his penis around on stage and then again around one hour I can be seen pushing over an AV scaffold, there were a lot of us there but you can clearly tell I am doing most of the heavy lifting.”

Cannon’s acquaintances, however, are not nearly as impressed as he hoped they would.

“Pointing out that you were caught on camera in a fistfight with a Buckcherry fan isn’t the flex Clark thinks it is,” said coworker Bryan Moran while deleting Cannon from his phone. “I didn’t know him back then and if I had, I’m sure I would probably still hate him now. Maybe I’d forgive him if he regretted it now, but he’s almost forty and thinks using an anti-gun violence candle to burn an ATM while Godsmack performing in the background is a brush with fame. I don’t think he quite caught the tone of the documentary.”

The film’s director Jamie Crawford actually remembers Cannon from the editing process.

“We actually had, like, hours of b-roll of that guy and we had to cut a lot of it to avoid an NC-17 rating. It was like he actively tried to get caught on camera doing something illegal,” Crawford said after seeing a still of Cannon attempting to loot Collective Soul’s tour bus. “It’s funny how easy it is to spot him since he and like six-thousand other white guys are all wearing JNCOs and an Insane Clown Posse t-shirt. But every time received more footage of the weekend, there he was, many times with his dick out, other times just screaming ‘fuck the Backstreet Boys.’ His junk is burned into a memory.”

As of press time, Cannon was said to already be pouring over the other Woodstock 99 documentary “Peace, Love, and Rage” frame-by-frame and found his lack of screen time “egregious.”