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Home Depot Reports 12-Foot Nativity Scene Not Selling as Well as Skeletons

HARTFORD, Conn. — Sales reports from a local Home Depot confirmed the retail giant is yet to sell a single 12’ nativity set this Christmas season, causing a massive inventory pile up in the store’s 6,000 sq. ft Garden Center.

“When the 12’ skeletons sold out in a single day, we thought, wow, we’re going to make a killing this Christmas,” said Cindy Mathers, the store’s manager. “We’re not really sure what’s driving the consumer reluctance. We even introduced multiple tiers to choose from – the Base Set, which will get you Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and one animal, to the Ultra-Deluxe Nativity, which gets you all eleven pieces with the bonus 15’ manger facade. I mean, who wouldn’t want that in their front yard for six to eight weeks?”

Jay Ramirez is a homeowner in the nearby Colonial Heights neighborhood with a reputation for holiday home flare. Even he is reluctant to purchase the gigantic figures.

“I’m not afraid to go all out for the holidays, but $4,700 is a little steep,” said Ramirez, adhering a pair of reindeer antlers to his mailbox. “Besides that, I only have a half-acre plot. I’m not sure I could even fit it all without spilling onto the Johnson’s lawn, and ever since that Slip & Slide incident last summer, I don’t want to rock the boat. And even if I could fit it, I’m not sure I’d want to look at an adult man-sized baby Jesus every time I leave the house. That thing’s creepy.”

Cardinal Gregory O’Sullivan heads the Archdiocese of Hartford Connecticut and supports Home Depot’s efforts to sell the Nativity sets.

“I think it’s a big way to show your faith which is something we need a lot more of in these troubling times,” said O’Sullivan. “The lack of sales directly reflects the spiritual crisis we seem to be in in this country. As a representative of the Catholic church, I’d advise Home Depot to try and shuffle your inventory around to see if you can get a little more traction. If there’s a problem in this parish, perhaps it might do better in another? Just a thought.”

As Christmas draws near, the Home Depot is looking to recuperate their loss for the next major holiday, with talks of a 12’ Martin Luther King Jr. slated to arrive in stores within the next couple of weeks.