FISHERS, Ind. — A small group hosted an intervention recently to help their friend Krista Simmons who has become a sober influencer, distraught and slightly annoyed sources confirmed.
“I’m so incredibly proud of Krista. Since she’s quit drinking her mental health has been better, she’s healthier, and she’s excelling at her job. Now, I just need her to shut the fuck up about it, already,” said friend Diane Ferguson. “This is why we decided that an intervention was necessary. We’re all very supportive of her sobriety, and will continue to do whatever we can to help our friend on this journey. But please, we just want her to stop making sobriety her entire personality. Several of us have already had to block her online.”
Simmons expressed her frustration following the intervention.
“I was going over my friend Diane’s house, excited to tell her about a recipe I found for a turmeric and ginger latte, that is seriously way better after a long day than any cocktail ever could be, when I was completely blindsided. All my friends and loved ones are sitting around, shaming me about how my sobriety is getting out of hand and ruining their lives,” said Simmons. “The worst was when my mom started crying about how I’m trying way too hard to make sobriety look more fun than drinking and she’s not sure how many memes she can take. They’re just lucky this is giving me months of material to work with on social media, otherwise I’d be really pissed off.”
Therapist and former fitness influencer Grayson Fields discussed how he helped host other interventions for influencers.
“In our society it is very difficult for a person to make a major life change and keep it to themselves. Whether it be sobriety, losing weight, or becoming a mustard aficionado, every asshole thinks they need to start a podcast and tell us all about their journey,” said Fields. “At this point it is necessary for a professional to step in, so they don’t destroy all their friendships in the process.”
At press time, Simmons had been arrested after she lit all of her mother’s “Wine O’Clock” throw pillows on fire, accidentally burning down her house.