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Crowd Surfing Gang Brutally Enforces “Locals Only” Policy at Punk Show

HILO, Hawaii — A recent string of attacks on tourists attending DIY punk shows in various parts of Hawaii has been linked to a brutal gang of crowd surfers with a strict “locals only” policy, residents confirmed.

“Lots of punks from the mainland come to Hawaii in the summer with their families, and are excited to attend some of the underground shows, but they tend not to realize how dangerous that can be,” said lifelong Hilo resident Kana Eneko. “Last night, there was a young man in a Boston Hardcore shirt who stage dove, and before he could even paddle out a little, he was pulled to the floor and beaten before being thrown out.”

Longtime Hilo punks were quick to defend their protectionist policy.

“Straight up, these lolo out-of-towners need to know that these are our mosh pits, and our pile-ups — they need to respect our territory and just stay the fuck out. You can stand and watch from the back, sure, but if you get up on that stage and try to dive, you’re just asking to scrap,” said scene legend Inoa Lea. “And if a band has a limited demo tape for sale in the back, anyone from out of town better get to the back of the line. Those aren’t for you.”


While tourists are often warned by signs posted on the front of venues and at various points on the stage, some vacationers still take the risk of crowd surfing on local turf.

“I heard Hawaii had some of the best stage diving conditions in the world — the venues are small, the stages are the perfect height, and the rooms are always packed. I really wanted to see what it was all about,” said Oklahoma City resident and vacationing punk Damon Turner. “I didn’t realize how territorial people could be about a punk show. As soon as I dove, I heard a bunch of people whistling… and before I knew it, five dudes in board shorts were kneeing me in the ribs.”

“I thought those Venice Beach crowd surfers were rough, but this was some truly brutal shit,” he added.

Additional reports show local authorities have no intention of investigating the claims of assault, pointing to Hawaiian “punk law” enforcement’s strict “it is what it is” policy.